“Shush, it‘s ok“, he whispered, his mouth next to her ear. Now both her hands were under his, his body half-pinning her down under him. She tensed.
“Please...No.“
He paused for a beat, continuing the momentary contact of his lips with the soft hair... and then moved back to his side and lay down. ‘What was I thinking?‘, he wondered and then told himself mockingly,‘Absolutely nothing.‘
‘I‘m not in a good state of mind now. We should leave. I shouldn‘t let him kiss me anywhere‘, she warned herself but still remained next to his warmth, unmoving and silent. There wasn‘t anything to be done. In both of their minds, their mutual reactions were being read as lust - pure and simple, triggered by the circumstances and the environment they were in. Suddenly a phone started beeping.
“Hello?“, his voice sounded more gruff than usual and he had no explanations.
His tersely spoken ‘Hello‘ made her more tense. ‘Now what?‘, she looked at his face trying to gauge his reaction in the dimly lit night. Abruptly, he cut the call with an “Okay“, equally terse as his ‘Hello‘. But he was generally perceived as rough-and-tough, no-nonsense guy. He pushed himself up and pulled her up as well without any preamble.
“We‘re going to our respective rooms. Ok?“, it was more of dry statement than a question. An order worded to seem like a request. At that moment, being quite lost in her mind, she just nodded. He walked her back to her studio apartment.
“Goodnight“, he turned to leave.
“Wait, what happened? Who called?“, she spoke out loud suprising herself even with the strength and clarity of her voice.
“It was my friend. I‘m going to go drink. We bought booze earlier this evening.“
She bit her lip and then said quietly after a moment‘s hesitation,“Please be careful.“
He watched her slight frame stand in the doorway with a worried expression. A loving expression. He sighed. He looked at her face one last time and turned away. He couldn‘t. He wouldn‘t. He shouldn‘t accept her offer of love. It will just come back to bite him in the behind, he knew.
“I‘m going to drink and smoke. It‘s what I do at times. See you.“
Watching his retreating figure, she hoped morning would come soon. And it did. She found herself in the same park, in the same spot alone. Trying to figure out if last night was real or not. A figure in rumpled clothing and shades dropped down on the grass next to her. She could smell the whisky on his breath still strong even though it was nearly noon.
“Take off your shades.“
“I don‘t think that‘s a good idea.“
“Just take it off.“
Her quiet order had him taking off his purple tinted shades to reveal dark-rimmed red eyes.
“I‘m sorry.“
“You look creepy, but no, don‘t wear the shades with me. Don‘t hide from me.“
“I swear to you, I have never got this drunk my whole life and I have been drinking for quite a few years now. It‘s scary for me too.“
She watched his face with soft concern in her eyes. His bloodshot eyes, rumpled clothes from last night, the telltale smell and his evident fatigue made her stomach clench. She wanted to take care of him and the feeling was very strong. It didn‘t feel like he was just a friend. She caressed his face with her fingers, feeling the morning stubble and pulled it close.
