Untitled #44

I've been lying through my teeth

Of pain, of pleasure, everything in between

I overthink, barricade in my own skin

Let no one reach, get underneath;

Cause it's easier to drown alone

In this abyss of my own thoughts,

Easier to not be known, to be lost

(Don't know if you'd even care that I'm gone);

And I've tried each time we touch,

But I wonder if letting you in is the same

As letting you in, 

Because it's not enough anymore, not enough; 

I'd labelled you home, and we

Made me, gave me, these four walls

But they're heavy, and they're tall,

And they're weighing me down..;

But if I let go of it all, will you still love me? 

Will I live? Would you call?

Or would you let me drown..? 

I'm already halfway down.

Desire

Is it strange to desire love while being loved?

Or maybe it's not love or affection at all

But simple desire craved by infidel hands,

Craving a touch, a whisper, a gentle caress by hand

A finger, maybe two, in places handed over to you,

A simple desire to know I'm wanted

Years into a marriage of gentle affection and convenience,

A simple craving of smaller, kinder pleasures

Before my fear overwhelms me

Before anxiety turns me into jelly

Before the black hole of depression

Sucks us into "performance" of marital duties, 

And leaves me questioning 

Where did our love, desire, go?