High

- aftermath of getting too involved in a book : No Way To Say Goodbye by Anna McPartlin.

#HIGH

Is this what it is to get high?
Tell me love, how that comes by.

I lived in a day.

A woman's pain and gain
I saw all her sorrows and stains,
As a man, an addict
Thinking *high* never had a limit,
Children seeing that love
Will not or ever last,
That death would claim it
Or it would come to pass.

An alcoholic, a junkie,
A victim of rape.

I'm on a high of my own terrain.

On a smell, a rustle that took me away
Away from another night alone in the rain,
You gave me my escape love,
You gave me my escape.
But like the story,
Are we too eventually to fade?
If we do, I hope we relight another night,
A bed, a whiskey bottle, soft songs to sing.

Maybe another time and another day,
For I know from your smoke, we are on different ways .

Burn

You came from the mountains,
You roared like a king, a lion,
Then you revealed your stripes.

You dragged yourself on to land,
It seemed like a trident in your hand,
But you weren't Poseidon, not to me.

You seemed to be the thunder,
The cloud burst to clear my mind.
But you were the lightning.

You were the lightning that set me free
By burning away that I used
To think was the best in me.

Trusting. Rusting.

Trusting. Rusting.
Crumbling to dust before the eyes.
Don't love your life so much,
The little bird said -
Because it's only with some trust
That anyone gets ahead.

Trusting. The slow process where
Everything may be revealed
To that one whom you believe in.
The guardian of your secrets.
Rusting. When moisture oxidized iron
And makes it Brown and Weary,
Somewhat (tetany) Scary.
People rust too from the inside.
Crumbling to dust. When nothing is left,
Not even the shell and the spirit,
It flies free. It's ok to make mistakes,
The little bird said -
It's the only way you learn.

Trusting. Rusting.
Crumbling to dust before the eyes.
Can you let go and fly with me?
The little bird asked -
I promise you won't regret the flight.

She

She is more than just a rock in the sea.
She is the weather, fierce and proud.
She is the sea, pulling and pushing.
She is the sky, calm yet rolling.
She is more than the smooth rock you cling to in the sea.

She is quiet yet her mind speaks continuously non-stop.
She listens, understands yet doesn't agree.
She knows the difference between true and wrong,
Yet she will always see.
Her why is always answered.

She may wear a guide of an angel,
While being the devil's temptress.
She is a shape-changer
Who always stays the same.
She might drink, smoke, cry, shout,
All this and more - you'll never know.

She guards her secrets by letting them be open,
Little messages and hints, small puzzle pieces.
Almost never has one ever placed them together,
Never has one seen the whole picture.
She is nothing good yet nothing bad -

Only doomed, to forever see those sad.

Just for once

Just for once-

Miss her,
Feel her,
Watch her going through
These motions of everyday;
She doesn't care for it;
Just miss her,
Shout out to her,
Feel her across this space,
That distance keeping her
From you, your sight;
She is blind and wandering;
Just feel her,
Think of her,
Help her wake up and see
The world that she is missing;
She just made one mistake,
She loved too much and more,
Still does;
You are what she's looking for.

Will she ever find you?
Just let her,
Just for once.

Description

What is that?
In those spaces
That I can't describe.
That single moment,
Many moments and memories
That rush at me, blind me,
Make me laugh
And send shivers down my spine.

What is that?
In those words
I just cannot say.
Feelings, more mixed,
Some weird high,
The catch in my throat,
Warm feeling in my gut,
I don't know, I don't know.

What is that?
I'm trying to tell the world.
Will someone please,
Please tell me -
Is this what you call love?
Then free me,
Else my heart will break.

It will run, fall and shatter,
And nothing more will ever matter.

Destructive

Part of a conversation I had with a friend. The question was "Why is it like that?" That being why we sometimes fall in love with the person you least expect yourself to be in love with. And this was the reply.

"I am totally lost to a guy who is the epitome of what I was and am scared of and fear and dislike. And yet he makes me look beyond the hazy smoky exterior to a blinding chaos of colours which is inside, which is what I never expected to find anywhere, which can calm me and excite me, which can quite well destroy me because I have given up so much...that he doesn't know or pretends he doesn't know.

That is a person with whom I never expected to fall in love.

It can happen. Sometimes. But it happens.

It's not why it should be like that. It's sometimes like that. No one knows why I guess :)"

Indifference

You Do NOT
Understand. Me.
You.
Blame me for my actions
That I have seen since
I remember and more
That I have not done for
The lethargy is contagious.
I Will NOT
Try. Anymore. Not for you.

I love.
You. Others. A man that
You would never accept.
And you, who have a right
To steal, grab, wrench,
My love, my care, a piece of mind,
You. I have to and must
And will love.
But not near you, not a mile
Away, not in the same city,
The same region, no. No.
From far away, yes. And only
Away.

You still do not
Understand. Why do I
Talk in a way, that is so
Unlike
You, your conceptions, your
Expectations and society's.
Because I am not
Yours
Though I love you and others.
Though I love him, that man.

I love.
I give my heart, not
Myself.
It's mine. I'm sorry,
But I will be
Indifferent
To you. Like pain that
I am so used to.
Indifference.
To you.

All because you cannot understand.

Il pleuvait quand...

Il pleuvait quand
J'ai regardé premièrement tu te promenais
Seul avec une cig comme ami.
Il pleuvait quand
Je t'ai vu par ma fenêtre
Encore avec une cig dans ton main
Et une expression pensive.
Il pleuvait quand
Tu m'a trouvé premièrement
Où je me suis cachée pleurant.
Il pleuvait quand
Tu m'a mis près de toi
Et m'a demandé, Pourquoi?
Il pleuvait quand
Tu m'a demandé si
Je voudrais aussi fumer.
Et il pleuvait encore
Quand j'ai dit, Non -

Et je ne t'ai jamais vu encore.

It was raining

It was raining when
I first saw you walking
Alone with a smoke as company.
It was raining when
I spied you outside my window
Still a smoke in your hand
And a thoughtful expression.
It was raining when
You first found me
In my hiding spot in tears.
It was raining when
You pulled me close
And asked, Why?
It was raining when
You asked me if
I want a smoke.
And it was still raining
When I said, No.

And I never saw you again.

Trust

Life is a game my dear
Where trust is what one fears
For it will take to you to heights
May be as far as 3600m high
Only to insult and crash
Like a plane engine trashed
At midnight under stars
Jealous of your falling star
For no reason other than you fell
And they believe themselves stuck
But one thinks and hopes the grass
Always greener on the other side.

Eros

I feel you.
The scent of male,
The flexing muscles,
The hardness against me.
I want you.
Pressed against me,
Arms around me,
Face at the crook of my neck.
I need you.
It may seem like lust,
And so it is but
There's so much more.
You feel me.
You want me.
You need me.
We're just begging for more.