Ode To Sleep

Sleep - thou art my elusive friend...
Won't you caress me in your loving arms? 
Have I done something to offend your sweet disposition? 
Why doth thou evade me thus? ! 

Gold And Silver

It's hard to say goodbye But it's near time for new hello-s, Old friends are gold, And new are silver Till we get to know each other. Hopefully we'll still meet and remember, All the fun times and get-togethers, The laughter and silly jokes Burned in my mind forever.

As A Mirror

Who am I? 
But a mirror
Who am I? 
Just a reflection

What's in a name? 
For I have many
What's in a name? 
It's not how you know me

Who am I? 
But a friend
Who am I? 
But a soul

Who am I? 
But a mirror
That wishes to see
The truth of thee.

If I Stay

' If I stay
It might be my glory days, 
But if I stay
They might never say, 
'That's where she went'. '

Lost in all
My books, my world I devour
Calms me, restless soul
Seeking grace no one knows.
No, someone does know.

' If I stay
I'll wonder if I may
Choose my own life or pray
That I get to say, 
'I wish to go away'. '

Lost in all
Except to some who knows
Where she went, 
Where I never went
Since I stay.

Ermm... I Wonder What This Is... (5)

*Part 5 - Royal Drama*

When you smile, the world smiles with you. When you cry, you cry alone.

So true. So. VERY. True.

I'm in the middle of a full-blown personal crisis (which I can't divulge here) and everyone turns away if they know, and others I could try telling won't try to understand so they'll turn away and the ONE person whom I could tell who'd try to understand and give the kinda comfort I need... I make him upset with me. Lord, I SUCK.

And so I call, one fine day. And get straight to the point.

"Hey Charlie"

"Hi it's been a  while huh?"

"Listen... Do you still... -"

"- feel the same about you? Yeah I do. Ha ha... But don't worry I'm coming to terms with the facts"

"Don't" 

Why does my chest feel so tight?

"Don't what?"

"Don't come to terms with it"

"What... WHAT?!"

Damn you leaky eyes. I need this. I need him. If anything... The past few days have been nothing short of an eye-opener... I AM showing all the symptoms of it. IT.

"Alison... Don't play games with me. Say whatever it is. I'll shut up and listen to the whole drama. So say"

And here goes nothing.

"Charlie. Past days... I.. I never realized how much I want... I need. You. In my pathetic life. To ramble about stuff. To argue. To talk. To play with. To joke around with. To cry to. To just let loose and... Well. I realized that the time I'm me most is when I'm with you. And now... With everything's that's been happening... I can't believe it took me so long to just see what was right in front of me. I know I sound cheesy. Really Super Cheesy. And probably lame. And pathetic. And.. I missed you. Like a part of who I am is missing. Ripped out. I'm so sorry..."

Too tight. Chest too tight. Am I getting a heart attack? I'm not able to say anything. Damn. Hell. What's he thinking? Why isn't he responding??? 

"Wait. I'm coming over."

Click.

WHAT??? Noooooo!!!! My parents are not here! And I don't know when they'll be back! More importantaly... I can't let him see me in my pyjamas for goodness sake!

DAMN.

Wow. I use that word a lot. WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THAT NOW??? Quick change. Pronto........

...... Ding dong. And just in time too. 

The door. There he is. Tightness in chest. Oh Lord, Not This Again!

"Hi Charlie"

High pitched cheery falsetto is so not my thing.

And of course he'll walk into the house like he owns it. Not like he hasn't come here enough. And why does everything about him hit me now? I knew it. I'm REALLY sick.

"So in reply to your long speech"

"Yeah?"

Best to be cautious. No matter what his look is doing to me.

"I reply... I missed you too. And yes. You sounded really cheesy but I loved hearing that... Though you didn't sound lame or pathetic. You never are those anyway"

He's acting all cool... But he's breathing fast. That means I affect him too. Buhaha. And HA.

"Um... So?"

"So this is it?"

He's smiling. I love that dimple of his. Sigh.

"You know... I REALLY wonder what this is"

I can't help it. I really can't. I can't help smiling like I won the grand lottery. He's getting up. Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh.

"Hey there you two. Charlie... It's been a while. Came over to study?"

Parents. For the love of all things holy - Dad, you WOULD choose this moment to enter.

"Oh... Hello Charlie. Were you waiting for us to come to start?" 

Mother. Please.

"Hello Uncle, Aunty... Yeah. I was kinda hoping to get some help with our chemistry"

Our Chemistry??? Charlie Proust, you have a VERY SICK sense of humour.

"So we'll go start off... Mom... Can you bring us up something to eat in a while?"

"Of course. Stay in the hall"

Mothers. (-.-)

"Yes ... Charlie?"

And so we exit my parents' presence and enter the upstairs hall where I get the books and we settle on the floor. Hopefully that rules out more cheesy romance. Hopefully.

So chemistry. Amazingly the subject we've discussed most about on various levels and now the whole situation seems ironic.

"Ironic isn't it? Chemistry?"

Soft. Tender. Strong. Can I hug you?

"Yeah it is"

Ok no hugs but I can spare a smile. :)

Way later... After he has left and I've had dinner. I'm thinking - It happened. It just HAPPENED. And hopefully ina moment what I like to see as truth revealed rather than weakness. Hm. Ok I'll be honest. It was both. But it worked didn't it?

Ring ring and more rings.

"Hey moron"

"Hello love"

And there's the happy ending I was going on about.

............................................................................................................................

REALLY. THE END

P.S. All characters and this whole story is purely fictional in case anybody gets any ideas.. :P

Ermm... Wonder What This Is... (4)

*Part Four - Seriously, Someone Tell Me What's Going On*

And there I was thinking that I of all people will get a happy ending. Well I guess I did that day. And I really thought he was at least a bit different from all the other jokers who've asked me out. But there is not a single difference except Charlie ("oh so innocent") is a smooth mastermind. I can't believe I nearly fell for that "it's different with you" crap. He promised he'd still be my friend. SO WHERE IS HE WHEN I NEED HIM? Drooling after some other girl who is on the market as  single and available now that I've been deemed as single and not available on those standards. 

And I thought he changed. I really did.

"Hey Alison!"

Jerk. Like I'd give you a damn anymore. I was there for you every single time whether I was infatuated or not. Loyal to the friendship. But you. YOU.

YOU can't stop thinking about that girl (sure's she nice, pretty, kind, sensible, blah blah blah and deserves better than you. Like moi except I won't say that now) when I'm trying to talk to you about something serious. Something upsetting. You couldn't even bother to listen. 

It's not like I was his first and I'm definitely not his last. I am so infuriated. I'm not speaking to you my dear Charlie. I'm WALKING AWAY.

"LET. GO. OF. ME."

"What's bitten you?! Did I do something wrong?"

Yeah you did. You clueless mannerless rogue.I don't care that you were infatuated with me last week and a new girl this week (God knows I've seen you change preferences every week) and now all you can think about is some girl and yourself and all I can think about is, Where the HELL is my friend??? :'|

"Let me go Charlie. I'm busy."

"Fine! Be that way. See if I care."

"No, you don't care. I know that. Bye."

So much hurt on his face? I'm so glad. Last day of school is SUCH a blast!

Now I'm alone. Standing all by myself in the gallery of the ground may not be a great idea but it's there I inevitably wind up to think. I've been acting bad too but I felt really hurt when he blew me off like that. So I guess being friends with a guy who once proposed to you is so NOT the best idea. I guess I have to let him go.

So moving on with my life. Happily Ever After. 

Or maybe not.

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't have to answer to you."

"You just did."

Whatever Charlie. You want to say something, say it and leave. Till then I'm gonna admire the scenery.

"Will you please look at me?"

No comments.

"Fine. Be that way."

Still no comments. Why are you still standing there? ....

.... This is starting to get annoying. Yet strangely I'm ok with it. Hmmm... Nope. I'm NOT ok with it. Goodbye Charlie. 

And I left him standing staring stonily over the grounds... Just to reject a gazillion calls all week. Ok maybe not a gazillion but around 3 or 4 calls per day. Curiously enough we should be studying. It's study holidays after all. And I know he'll be doing his work yet he is being so persistent. I guess it won't hurt to answer one call. 

"Hello?"

*Silence on the other side*

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Check your caller id. Or have you deleted me from your contacts already?"

*Silence on my end. How dare he make such accusations!?*

"Fine. Just clear my doubt for me."

"What doubt?"

"Have you dumped me? As in are you through with our friendship?"

"One. I can't dump you. Two. Why do you even care?"

"Since when did you become such a...."

"Such a what?"

"Hm. Never mind."

"Such a WHAT?"

"I said NEVER MIND"

"Fine. You know what? I don't want to talk to you. Yes I'm through with the friendship. And you, mister, should be studying."

*Silence on his side*

"Hello?"

*Still silent*

Click.

And he hung up on me. Since when did I become such a jerk? This can't be it. It can't be. I'm calling back.

"Hey Charlie, I just wanted to apo- "

"Leave me alone. You don't want to talk to me nor do I wanna talk to you. It's mutual. Bye."

"But - "

Click.

Can it get worse than this?

............................................................................................................................

MAY BE CONTINUED 

P.S. All characters and this whole story is purely fictional in case anybody gets any ideas.. :P

Betrayal

Coward you hide
From the pain, the grief.
Traitor, you lied -
See my blood, it seeps
Through open wounds
That you alone made.
Child? Not anymore -
In my heart, you fade,
For I gave you my life
But in the end you betrayed.

Not Anymore

Broke my soul
Made me rust
My iron heart
In my feeble chest
Once beat for you
Seemed so loud
Used to be your red rose
But now not found.

Cupid's Arrow

Simple games

For fun, for play,

We laughed and talked

But along the way,

Saw a little man

With bright white wings -

Cupid's arrow caught

In my seams -

So when I turned

And looked at you,

I saw love,

Too good to be true.