Chart of getting used to a partner's chronic illness -
It's a constant thing but you don't really see it
It seems to manifest at weird times
So this is a chart of how your feelings progress
As the relationship runs its course
In a matter of days, months or years.
Stages:
Concerned and caring
Caring and mildly concerned
Caring and unconcerned
Annoyed and caring
Annoyed tinged by caring
Annoyed but believing
Annoyed but doubtful about its validity
Annoyed and disbelief in intensity of pain
Angry and disbelief in intensity of pain
Angry and believes it's a farce
Angry and thinks it was all a lie to get out of chores
Angry and starts to hate it
Angry and starts to hate person
Angry and indifferent
Indifferent and exhausted
Leaves.
Because:
No one ever stayed with someone who is a chore
No one ever stayed with anyone unless tied down
Why would anyone stay with a person who can't
Quite literally, pull their own weight all times
Why would anyone stay with a person with
Such baggage, such insecurity, such brokenness
At every single point?
It's also toxic in its own way
Having a person demand most of your time and space
When they need you
Or think they need you
Because they got used to you
It may be toxic when this person is clingy
Or when you're so used to it
That you don't notice them shutting down
That you don't notice they don't say anything at all
That you don't notice little stains of blood in the basin
Not very well washed off
That you don't notice they're unable to eat
That you don't notice when they don't wake up from a nap
Till you think it's time for them to be awake
Because they need to pull their own weight
To cook dinner and not to a coma
Because you got used to it.
