My pretty little imps

You tell me to sleep,
Sleep with all these demons in my head
Not demons, more like trolls
Trolls who play with me
And now I play with them
Or maybe like mischievous imps
Maybe just my own thoughts
Crashing down like an avalanche
Into what used to be a happy valley for two
Now it's overpopulated with thoughts of me
Than of you.

You tell me to sleep
That sleep which never comes
Which makes me lie awake till 3am
Which makes me wonder why
Why bother living
When it is so much easier to die
Be reborn and find a new path
No one seems to understand
That chaos in my mind
Those vivid colours I see when I close my eyes
The turbulence of the waves under which I'm trapped

Unable to swim or see ground
Get dashed against rocks over and over
Never dying, caught in a limbo
Should I start the antidepressants again?
You tell me to sleep,
Now I wonder if I may choose an endless sleep
A drug induced sleep
The sleep of unborn foetuses like my own
At least I would have obeyed you then
I would have slept like I was ordered to,
Or maybe asked to,

You tell me to sleep
So I close my eyes and lie awake
In another world far away
Where those imps burn me alive,
I scream in joy, those flames are blessed
Let me die when I'm alive
Surrounded, 'loved' and alone by choice,
You tell me to sleep,
So I shall. Let me just wish you before
I drown in nightmares,
Goodbye and goodnight.

Leave taking

Hey you,

How dare you to take my heart and leave like this?
Hey you,
Who will fight now over sugar whether to take 1 kg or 2 kg?
Hey you,
How dare you to take me along with you and now you say you can't swim anymore?
Hey you,
You are like a open book,
If somebody wants to know the truth, they need to read...
Hey you,
Want to sit on the back seat of my rover???

Hey you,

Tell me why my heart is still yours,
Tell me whether sugar has ever been a question,
When the entire point was us,
And I never learnt to swim baby,
I was hanging on to you till you left.
Here is my new chapter where
I'm this little sparrow in the water,
I finally made it to land but
I'm still wet and bedraggled...
Hey you,
Let's sit on the public train instead?

Hey you,

Doesn't matter what happened and what will happen ,
I gave my heart to you and it will be always yours.
You brought me here and
Now you're saying you never learnt to swim?
Sugar was always a question!
I didn't leave you, I am with you but
I'm just not holding you now
So you can also learn how to swim.
Hey you,
I am ready to sit in public bus also.

:)

Hey you,

Follow me, chase me, I'm running,
Flying off to unknown skies,
You're a shark in the water that this sparrow loves,
My feathers were meant for the sky.
Go, swim, hunt, chase, I'm watching over you,
Maybe I can't do more than take care of love,
But love you, I do.
And the sky and sea do touch,
One day we might see
The horizon where we'll meet.

I'll miss you till then.

(written in collaboration with Yogesh Nehra)

Of stories and insomnia

It's so easy to lie awake -
Think of the endless chores of the next day,
Become that hamster on the wheel,
Know you're in a cage but still,
Think it's a pretty cage,
So never leave.
It's so easy to lie awake -
Imagine the hard lines of your body
Against the soft curves of mine,
To know that they won't meet,
Then heave a sigh ~
Of regret and relief mingled to tell you
Another goodbye.
It's so easy to lie awake -
Next to strangers on unknown beds,
Hoping to find solace in exhaustion,
It just doesn't come ~
No matter what I do they're not you,
I'm not me either with them...
I'm a fragment of the picture,
A waking dream, a shard of memory,
A pink hope, a black space, a blue drink?
Dark circles under our eyes ,
That crooked smile suggesting a story,
Untold, one that shouldn't be heard,
Yet we tell it to ourselves every night
As you lie awake sleepless on our own.
It's so easy to lie awake.

In the hands of a writer...

You'll never die in the hands of a writer.
Her fingers will trace the stubble over your cheek,
Wander the planes of your skin,
Memorise and evoke poetry from the smallest of things...

You'll never die in the hands of a writer.
Her eyes roam over your face,
Your every expression noted and stored away,
For stories to spun of strong, gentle grace...

You'll never die in the hands of a writer.
Her pain will write many deaths of loves,
Painful, harsh and beautiful
Till she abandons you like dying star...

You'll never die in the hands of a writer.
Even through the death and birth,
Whatever beauty she ever beheld
In you, stays immortalised along side the hurt,

As you transform into magnificent art
Like a stormy sun and a hot, wet rain,
Something rare, harsh and precious,
You'll never die in the hands of a writer.

Golden words

They told me once the golden words,
'Sorry' and 'thank you' and 'please'
To use in every situation deemed.
Never imagined in this life
The meanings are as arbitary as we please.

Sorry does not fix a broken heart,
Please does not get you the needed break,
Thank you laced with sarcasm is a bomb,
With its sharpnel piercing every organ
And not just the heart.

Silent night

The chapter has ended
The last word read
The book had been closed
All the pages bleed red

Your hands are trembling
As you put the light out
Ghosts are still roaming
You wake up with a shout

Her memory is still real
As real as the book
The pages bleeding red
Her blood stained on your tool

One mistake and your hand took a life
And your regret is like black strife when
Her fingers are still stroking your cheek
And she silently wishes you goodnight.

Unsung heroes

You will always stay a memory wrought with mixed feelings -
The friend I would love to make yet am scared to,
The one I could one day choose to love because I instantly felt trust,
Instantly felt safe, though I wonder if your vocation has something to do with it;

Defense, front line against another war, you protect and you wear it like a cloak,
An unsung superhero, another face, another memory,
You will always stay a memory wrought with mixed feelings -
Of what might have been, of what I should have said,
Of what might have happened if we could let it,

And always, trust me, you will stay a memory -
Kin and family that I could not know -
Heaven or hell would be where we meet again -
I wish I could have known you more than I know now -
Like a friend and family, but now we could never know.

So you will always stay a memory wrought with mixed feelings
Because there are so many what if-s left still to wonder about.