It was just any other monsoon day. Rainy. She stared outside the window jerking with every sudden raindrop that splattered against her pane. So much longing... To go out and feel the rain.
"Today... I can. I will. I must try."
She got up and silently moved across the house to the terrace door. She opened it slowly. It gave a gentle creak. She paused ; listened.
No noise other than the wind. She stepped out.
She got up and silently moved across the house to the terrace door. She opened it slowly. It gave a gentle creak. She paused ; listened.
No noise other than the wind. She stepped out.
The glorious feeling! Mute in her house maybe but not in her heart. Her hopes had been dashed long ago. She adapted as, she was told, should any daughter. 'You will thank us later', was the said line whenever she expressed any dissatisfaction. But they never could understand. Never DID understand.
The rain beat down on her as she pulled the door shut. She made her way to the railings and threw out her hands as if to embrace the storm.
Everything muted in her mind. All the babble, all the memories, all the doubts and confusions. It was just her and the wind and the rain.
Blissful moments. Short lived though.
She heard the sound of the car coming and went back in. And it surrounded her again - the babble, all the memories, all the doubts and confusions. Lost hopes. Lost dreams. She sat by the door on the verge of tears.
"Anamika! Open the door!"
A stifled sob. A hastily rubbed eye.
"I'm going to bath Amma"
"Come down soon. Have lunch. Okay?"
"Yes"
A stifled sob. A hastily rubbed eye.
"I'm going to bath Amma"
"Come down soon. Have lunch. Okay?"
"Yes"
She stared at the water droplets running down her hand. Twenty and she gets treated still like a child who is incapable of making her own choices and having her own plans for her future.
"Its my life. Not yours."
The whispers ended in full tears in the shower. Every other time whatever she did to please, never pleased even if it did, it would never show. She has to live up to or be better than those far older than her. Patronized. Opening her mouth just led to further problems. Like getting blamed for causing her mother's depression. Being the dishonorable one for daring to be herself, for choosing to be honest at all costs.
Is this what they are teaching us now? Honesty is not the best policy? In a selfish world, only the selfish win? Kindness is to be regretted? Creativity is a crime? Making your own way is wrong? The road less traveled is for losers? The fact that you can do something means you should do that alone, even if you have a passion you can be good at if given a chance? That being open is hurtful and mean, and being fair and merciful is not an option open to all? That your true face must always be hideous or wrong, so it should be hidden behind a mask?
"What is the point in me living? No one needs me. All my true friends- lost. Trust- not to be given because no one keeps promises and if I can't trust my own family then how will I ever trust someone else? Am I even doing something I love- even that is a no. Then why? To be a showpiece on my family case? I must have a better use in life than that... I must have. I Must! I must..."
More tears that won't fall but fills her eyes. More confusion in the growing darkness of her mind. No escape. That seemed to be the ultimatum branded in front of her mind's eye for every reason and path she checks.
No escape. Life can't be that hopeless.
She went for lunch and came back up. And fell asleep... Only to wake at 1 am the next day.
The rain had stopped. She creeped out of her room and out on the terrace again. Clear sky dotted with blue stars. And all of a sudden...
"A falling star!"
A hasty wish and a quiet prayer from her who had lost faith in all religion eight years back. She chanced a smile and crept back inside. And took out a letter dated three days back from under her bed, opening it hesitantly.
Dear Ms. Anamika,
We at St. Catherine's have read your application letter and we are glad to offer you a full scholarship here. You will be taken in a full-time student but will be expected to assist the professor you will be assigned to.
We at St. Catherine's have read your application letter and we are glad to offer you a full scholarship here. You will be taken in a full-time student but will be expected to assist the professor you will be assigned to.
... ... ... ... .
Please reply before May 12, 2013 to confirm your admission.
Once again, we welcome you to St. Catherine's!
Once again, we welcome you to St. Catherine's!
Yours truly,
Aimee Thompson
Dean and Vice Chairperson of the Management Committee.
Aimee Thompson
Dean and Vice Chairperson of the Management Committee.
She got in. Her scores, her application letter and most importantly, her essay had pulled through! The last barrier would be her family. But even they can't complain because they don't have to pay any kind of fees. A FULL SCHOLARSHIP. She got out her huge letter pad and started writing.
Respected Madam,
I am truly thrilled and extremely grateful for being accepted... ... ...
I am truly thrilled and extremely grateful for being accepted... ... ...
May be there is hope and an escape after all.
The End
