Not Meant To Be

I'm looking at you
For that one sign
My mistake I know
But it's not mine alone! 

It's not like you were there
Holding my hand through it all
No, you were not there
Not when I cried my heart out

Still I'm asking forgiveness
Because I don't want this fight
It's not that I wanted this
For 'us' to die

I'm running now
From your taunting voice
Mocking in its sadness
Despairing melodies from so many nights.

I can't stand this anymore
I want out
I'm walking away from my troubles
Because that is my only way out

Is there another? 
Tell me if there is
I don't want to be this coward
But I'm no longer his

Wanted to be
Wished to be
But never was
And never will be.

Hiding Behind A Smile

Now I realize how it's so easy
To hide behind a smile, 
With my own glassy eyes teasing
I feel like I've run a mile.

Never realized I'd have to lie one day
And that it'd be to save myself, 
Because my tears have no worth today
And I'm better off by myself.

It was never hard to give that much
Never bothered to ever expect, 
But once given hope then taken back
The pieces gave me full effect.

The puzzle came together, 
I adored the picture, 
Then tore it to bits...
Because if it was mine to keep, 
It would come back to stay, 
Else let it go its own way.

Abandoned

Pain is just another word.
He sits out front, 
Head in his hands.
She lies on the bed
Inside, spilling silent tears.

When did it go wrong? 
They were faithful.
Everything perfect till the news, 
News of a baby (cute?) , 
To a house unprepared.

'Get rid of it, 
We can't manage', 
Husband ever practical.
'No', such a simple word
From a heartbroken wife.
Confused and floundering, 
Words unspoken over meals.
Baby grows stronger, 
Parents become weaker, 
All so unprepared.

Final decision that it can't stay.
'Baby, please just go away' -
Sorry for the crime they've done
But there was no other choice, 
They had to abandon you.

Ashes

Made a big mistake Wish to take it back My life's like a train Running out of track Want to erase and rewrite Don't want to take blame Escaping is a worse condition I wish this could be a game Turned invisible To your eyes Dying slowly inside Forced to tell lies Misery I bring to myself Watching you each day Feeling scornful of self Waiting on lost hope? For someone, someday For a time it wouldn't hurt For when sweet love turns bitter Like glowing embers turned to ashes And then there's nothing left... Just ashes.

Charades

I was used to being alone 
Suddenly everything changed
And I was the last to realise 
That my life wasn't the same
I tried to embrace the change
But being caught in a cage
Just wasn't the same
As the life that used to be a game
There had been winning or losing
Succeeding or failing
Either one or the other
Nothing in between
When I started realising 
That the change is in me
That I've started caring
For the ones that I knew
Suddenly life's not a game
Its more of a trial
To see whose more important
Innocence is missing
Need someone to take blame
Guess I'm the someone
Since I started this charade.

Who?

It used to be easy; 
Two, three things at a time
Juggling in my head, 
Never getting lost...

When did it drop? 
The prefect act fell apart_
Why did it have to be one
Or the other? Did it matter? 

Desicions, endless desicions
For me, for you, for everyone
Who makes the final choice? 
Me or you? 

Who gets the last word? 
Who doesn't want to? 
Me or you? 
It used to be easy...

So many things, 
Work left to be done; 
But its either you or me_
You or me...

Its not easy to choose
No one to guide
How do you choose? 
Between two parts of yourself? 

One is me
The other is you
But both were one till now
What happened? 

Its either you or me
I hope you find better
You deserve it more
But I have to go

You or me? 
Its me I must choose
But was that really for ME? 
I wonder...

Not A Failure

Why give up
At the brink of despair? 
Why not get up
And face what is there? 

You're not a failure
When you're just on your knees, 
You're only a failure
When you, your hope, defeat.

Last minute changes
Might just change your life, 
Else things of future
Might act like a knife.

But it's not yet real, 
And you still hold the wheel, 
Steer clear of the holes, 
Don't give up on your soul.