Anamika : To Him

Your touch sends shivers down my spine,
Like hot steam in cold winter
Or a cold breeze in the hottest summer;
Like a sanctuary, safe and surrounded
In a sea of everything unfounded,
Forever came in a number of days
That would always remain.

Misplaced Love : One who loved and lost

Nothing goes unnoticed
So little goes unmarked
Much goes unadressed
All goes as planned.

I see the fire in your eyes
The fire that doesn‘t burn for me
I see that fire growing bright
I wish that it would be for me.

I wait to see you open up
To lay bare your heart, not just your chest
Cryptic and cold, so close and so far away
I still wait for you with the pain of one bereft.

Nothing goes unnoticed
So little goes unmarked
Tell me where you hide your secrets
Tell me why you hide your scars.

Much goes unaddressed
The longings of your soul
The silent calls I wish to answer
Yet somehow you let me go.

All goes as planned
When you finally push me away
Tell me why you keep me
When you know we‘re no longer the same.

I can still see that fire, darling
It is still burning high
Why can‘t it be me darling
When I‘m the one you call wife.

You lay bare your chest every night
We are joined yet aloof
What is the point of this charade
Other than to leave us without a roof.

So cold and so far away
No matter how hard I try
Why did I marry you husband
When your love feels like a lie.

Where is the other you desire
I care not if it be man or woman
But all I see is endless smoke
Surrounding you till heavens.

I gave nothing but love
And now I can only offer grief
For I have nothing left to call my own
Even my flower has been taken from me.

Old age gives no comfort husband
When you have to live together alone
Or maybe it is just me who is lonely
Your mistress will substitute your weak wife over all.

The glimpses of your smile still strike me
It makes me younger than I am now
Yet all you offer is some pain to me
And I greedily snatch it all.

Abandoned

Where did you go?
When you said you‘d stay,
But like everyone else
You too, walked away.

Why did you leave?
When things were okay,
Things were holding on
Yet got broken anyway.

What did I do?
That everyone leaves,
Did I choose wrong
Or is it just me?
Something remains from each,
A drop of happiness,
A pinch of trust breached -
That never becomes less.

Flashback_3

“Joseph called. I need to go“, he bent and kissed her forehead while buttoning up his shirt. She woke up drowsily, clutching the blanket to her chest. She glanced across at their table top Disney clock. 5.12am. “At this time in the morning?“, she enquired, her eyes heavy with sleep. “Yeah. Actually the bartender called me. He got flat out drunk“, he sighed. She sat up and brushed her fingers across his face,“Bring him back here. He can sleep in the spare room. He really isn‘t taking the divorce well.“
“Well that bitch cheated him and then ran off with the next unsuspecting loser. He should have known better than to get married in less than 2months of knowing each other...“
“True but still. These things happen“, she brushed her lips across his and patted the side of his face.
“Well I‘ll be off then.“
“I‘ll make coffee and wait for you two.“
“I‘ll be back soon. Love you.“
“Love you too. Hurry back.“ He left and she slowly eased out of bed. Shuffling over to the bathroom, she washed her face, brushed her teeth and got dressed. A black sleeveless top and faded blue jeans. She made her way to the tiny kitchen and started brewing coffee. Just then her cellphone began chiming “Dernière Danse“ by Indila. She had just changed the ringtone last night after falling in love with the lyrics. It was him, “Honey, I‘m coming home.“
“So you found him?“
“Yup. I can smell your coffee already.“
“It‘s waiting for you.“
“Baby?“
“Yeah?“
“I love you.“
“I miss you. Come.“
“Coming.“
Humming the lyrics, she set the steaming pot of coffee on the table and poured herself a cup. Then her phone started ringing again. It was 5.41am and an unknown number. Wondering who it could be, she answered the call. “Hello?“
“Is this 917685768433?“
“Yes, who is this?“
“This is the bartender of Dougie‘s.Your boyfriend came down here to get his friend?“
“Yes...?“, her breaths came quicker as she started to slowly panic. “Yes he went there. What happened?! Why are you calling??“
“Look, the police and ambulance are here. Your drunk friend tried to take control of the car and ended up smashing them into a tree. Your friend is breathing... He didn‘t get hurt too bad... The driver‘s side was the one that hit the tree... I‘m afraid he... He didn‘t make it. I‘m so sorry lady. He was a nice man. Hello? Hello??“ She hung up the phone. It couldn‘t be true. It just couldn‘t be.

He‘s never coming back. Though he said he would. Guess Fate had a different idea in mind. How fast everything went by. All so quick. Too quick. Now nothing is there as a keepsake. Nothing could truly be called theirs. They had never married. They never wanted to risk things by rushing it. And now... Now all those beautiful memories... The good and bad and everything in between. The last dance was over before it even started. All that was left for her now were these flashbacks. Nothing more.

The End

Flashback_2

The remembrance was what hurt. The gentleness, the care. The careless thought that time would give you a forever. But time gave her ‘happy‘. Which is a lot more than what most people could say. Especially those who are toeing the edge of a clinical depression. A chronic depression.
The remembrance was what hurt. Along with the words, he‘s never coming back. That word there, “never“. It used to make her happy.
But now it just made her unexplicably sad. Not upset, not hysterical.

Just sad.

“Hey, you better?“, he asked caressing her tummy. “Yes“, she mumbled. His carelessly dropped kiss made her shiver. Made her yearn for more. Much more. She reached out a hand and cupped his face. He closed the distance between them with a smile and kissed her. He liked it, leading in the bedroom, but small moments like this when she made the first move, he enjoyed those. He never spoke it loud but she knew. She didn‘t need to hear the words. His arms were exploring the familiar areas under him. Marriage was a question that hadn‘t even come up in these long five years. They didn‘t care for it. He whispered into her ear, “I love you“. Her reply was a nip on his bare, muscled shoulder and a playful grin, “I know“. His indulgent smile made her pull him close for another kiss, deeper and longer. Then he fell to her side and hugged her tight. Oft repeated words whose feelings had only increased with time, “I won‘t let you go, you know“. “But I don‘t want you to. Ever“, she snuggled deeper against the solid planes of his chest revelling in the feeling of her softness pushing, melding against a hard wall. Her dependable, much loved wall and tower of strength and protection. And of course, a lot of happiness. He murmered into her hair, “Never“, and closed his eyes. Her pain was subsiding. They couldn‘t get adventurous this close to the danger period but these shared moments satisfied them both. The nearness, the togetherness. Everyone wondered why they didn‘t get married. It wasn‘t as though they weren‘t already living together. But they didn‘t care what people thought. This was their happy time. Their love, their romance. Each one has their own story just as they have theirs. Each one has their own reasons just as they have theirs. And marriage was an idea that was taboo, never discussed. Their relationship was an open secret... known to everyone but family. For reasons that were theirs too. “I love you so much...“, she sighed and drifted off to sleep, content in her lover‘s arms. Nothing else mattered then except them and their bubble of joy. Nothing.

Flashback_1

One late night phone call. Images of her lover filled her mind. She wouldn‘t hear that voice again. The husky male voice which she was so familiar with. She wouldn‘t see those eyes again. Those brown eyes flecked with gold whose every look she knew. She wouldn‘t feel those arms again. Strong, rough yet gentle which knew to play her body like a masterpiece. She wouldn‘t be able to rest her head against that lithe muscular chest. All those little pleasures, those little details like the small scars on his face, the few callouses on his hands, the texture of his skin, the smell of him... The details which were taken as granted, which were taken as a sign of him, which made the big picture, which now felt like everything. All lost in the blink of an eye. He had said, “Honey, I‘m coming home.“

He had promised he‘d come home.

They were lying on the bed together when the pain started. The usual abdominal cramps that most women experience and detest. “Is there any ibuprofen left? Or atleast paracetamol? I can‘t take this. It hurts too bad“, she cringed as more cramps took over. He rolled over in bed and started stroking her tummy. Deftly, he moved his hand under her tshirt in one quick move and continued stroking. “It‘s not good to take medicines all the time. Is there anything else I can get you? Here, do you feel any better?“, he enquired. “Hot.... Water“, she bit out the two words tersely. Teeth clenched in pain and rolled on her side, she hugged herself tight. Her lover‘s hand continued weaving its magic infinitesimally slowly yet surely. He knew to wait out the worst first. Years of experience had taught him that. “Are you sure it will help?“, he kept massaging the soft skin of her tummy. “Yesss“, she hissed between her teeth and curled up into herself even more. He got up from their spoon position and fetched the thermoflask. Pouring some water into a cup, he offered it to her. Then seeing her condition, he set the cup and flask on the table and helped her sit up. “Here take this. If it still doesn‘t improve, I‘ll get you the ibuprofen ok?“, he murmered soothingly into her ear. “Ok“, she relaxed a bit against him, clutching her half finished cup of hot water. An old movie played on the LCD TV that hung neatly on their bedroom wall. No one switched it off.

Lie To Me

Someone trusted, loved, cared.
Someone waited, watched, hoped.
Someone cheated, dumped, broken-hearted.
Someone played, energized, lost.

Someone is someone you don‘t know.
Someone is someone you do know.
Someone is me, little unknown.
Someone is you, entirely not known.

It hurt to love, it hurt to care.
It hurt to wait, it hurt to despair.
It hurt to watch, see love go elsewhere.
May be it was attention but too little to care.

Does anyone notice the twitch in that smile?
A smile that threatens to fade every time.
It‘s still retained with every beautiful lie.
Our mask has cracks but won‘t break even with time.

Spooks.13.

Gloria William Mathew (the emotionless wife)_
I woke up and found him dead. They said it was an asthma attack. But I don‘t think so. I think my dear little sister is looking after me from heaven. He was a tryant. I loved him, yes. Even with all his faults because he was kind to me. But there were moments that I hated him with every fibre of my being for making me feel like a scared, helpless nothing. I don‘t know why he did that. But he did.

No one can blame me if I looked outside for help, relief... comfort. I found it. And Germain was so kind. A one-night stand. After that I introduced him to my sister-in-law without Will‘s knowledge about my role. Like I expected, they were happy together. Like calls to like and deep calls to deep.

Either way, my baby is safe from a father who would have treated him or her like another trophy on his shelf. Maybe it really was an asthma attack but I‘m superstitious. He called me stupid for that. But she never did.

She never did.

Ashler Germain (is love forever?)_
I never expected to wake up on this hospital bed. I can‘t believe this. No one had known. Then how did the ambulance find me just minutes after I had passed out?

The counsellor told me that I was depressed and suicidal about my girlfriend‘s death. He told me it is understandable and normal. I just need to stay here till all the toxins are out apparently. I don‘t know, medical whatever thingies. It‘s been 2 days since I woke up and 5 days since I was admitted. I will be discharged tomorrow I think.

It feels so weird that last week I couldn‘t imagine being with anyone but her. But now I feel nothing at all. Just... numb. All the grief and anger is just gone. Her brother died yesterday and made the headlines. Strange, how they followed one after the other.

I feel so empty most of the time. Except when Julia comes in. Apparently she is the one who found me. My new neighbour next door, a nurse who recently recovered from a coma. Seems like she had had an accident and had severe brain injury. The fuzzy dark hair on her head hasn‘t grown enough to cover the scars. But she is still pretty.

Very pretty and very kind to me. Makes the high point of my day everytime she comes around with that smile and a bag of apples and oranges.

*knock knock*

“Hey, you look better today. What did the doctor say?“, her smile feels so real. And if I wasn‘t so numb, I might have mistaken it for sincere affection.

And if I wasn‘t so dumb, I wouldn‘t have mistaken it for the same smile as hers. But that smile is something I won‘t see again.

“Hi. Thanks for coming again. Doc said I can leave tomorrow.“
“What! So soon?!“, so much shock and excitement. Worry and happiness at getting her messed up boy-next-door neighbour back again I suppose.
“Yeah.“
“Don‘t be such a grouch. Here, have an apple. You won‘t believe what happened today...“

She is talking so animatedly. The gestures and manner of speaking strangely reminding me of her. A weird line is floating through my mind in her voice, I‘m back home... With you...

Strange. The sky is clear outside. The first star is peeping at me from near the moon. Why do I feel like it is winking at me?

My attention is back on her. Her soft curves and smooth looking skin marred by ugly scars. Her pink lips moving, saying something. She put lipstick. Her hand over mine as she is saying something. My eyes are closing.

It‘s dark. A feather light touch on my forhead. Warm, soft lips. So much like hers. Quiet whispers in my ear but my eyes are still closed. A reminder of love? I don‘t understand. Is it you baby? I wish it could be you.
But it can‘t be. It never can. I told my goodbyes baby. I can‘t live with you.

You‘re a spook. Goodnight.

Power play

The temptation to pull him close exceeded all logic and sense.

Fear clung on to Hope. Even as the Dark fought to overpower them both.