Bullies and fairweather friends

Why do we blame the ones trying to be "funny" and "cool" and let the others go? You see bullying and you don't try to stop it or get someone who can stop it - you're way worse than the insecure bully with a complex. Especially if you're a friend and you can't stand up for the person of whom you claim to be a friend. Humiliating someone or insulting someone is just as bad.
Yes, we throw words at the ones who know us and love us. But no, you do NOT pick on strangers, you do not pick on nice girl who talks too much and appears attention seeking to you, you do not pick on the boy who barely stays awake during the day, you do not pick on that girl who never talks unless spoken to.
How would you feel if you heard people you barely know judging you for trying to be optimistic? They don't know if your parents are getting a divorce and leaving you behind like extra baggage. How would you feel if you heard the girl you were helping out with work tell others just behind your back that you're stuck up? Just because you are usually quiet and you spoke up and knew something she didn't when she asked. How about people mocking you for not being able to see straight without that 5 cups of espresso? They don't know you have a baby son at home to take care of. And all of those who were nice to you every other time, when they hear all this and stand near you saying *nothing*? That kills the worst.
You can stand up to bullies. They at least give you something to fight with. How do you fight against a festering wound left by silence of judgemental eyes and unspoken words? These fairweather friends. I pity you. No guts to stand up and no love to speak of. Because if you truly do love your friend, you'd never stand down and watch them get thrown under a bus.
Think about it. How many fairweather friends do you have? If the number is high, my dear, you better have some serious introspection to do because you might be one too.

One night stand

- So how was it?

- Not what I expected. 

- You were off the entire time. We didn't have to do this if you didn't want to.

- He thinks I'm in love with you and I'm not.

- Why does it matter?

- I love him, not you.

- I know. Yet you're here in bed with me.

- I know. The idea of you was too appealing for me not to try.

- Same here... Will he understand any of this though?

- This?

- This sapiosexual attraction that was there the moment we spoke to each other. The high we're getting off each other by just spending time talking about things most people will be bored by at this age. The kick that we're getting off being around another person we consider an intellectually better being. The physical intimacy that has nothing to do with sex and which is made better out of the fact that we keep it like a game of strategy and pleasure.

- And that this has nothing to do with love. Because I love him and you are still in love with her.

- Yes. Of course I am.

- Why do you love her?

- She made me... She brought out the best and worst in me. The connection was electric and chemical. Instant. We just knew.

- How was the sex?

- Pain and pure pleasure. She was far more experienced. But I knew it was special for her just as much as it was for me.

- I hope you meet her again.

- I will. I will find her. I want to ask you something.

- Ask away.

- Why him? It makes no sense. You don't even hang out in the same circles or company.

- He... He is my better half. He makes me a better person even if he brings out the worst in me at times. He... I never felt this sort of connection with anyone else. It isn't the oxytocin talking. I can't break down what I have with him into chemicals and wiring... He makes me feel drunk and sober, like I'm on a permanent high of heroin and caffeine, like I can do anything even if I am alone because he believes in me, he makes me feel brave. I would have never sacrificed my self interests like my career and studies for anyone or anything. I did it in a heartbeat and I might do it again if it meant an improvement in welfare. I feel like I belong and like a stranger with him. Like a friend and a mistress and a wife. When we touch, I want the pain and I want the love and he gives me both and every second he lets me know that I am valued. He knows my silences. I wish I understood him half as well. He reads me like an open book. It is electric and soft with him. Like... I'm blabbering, amn't I? Sorry.

- Ha. You love him. I understand. But why?

- He is kind. He is brave. He is rich at heart and knows the world that doesn't know or see him. He is a gentleman and a rascal. Loyal. Diffident and confident. He is what I thought love would not be like but is. He knows the world in ways I don't and I admire that. I want him. I need him with me. I can't explain why I love him.

- I think you did.

- I told you what I think of him. But why I love him, I don't know. I can't explain.

- Your phone?

- It's him!

- Are you going to answer it?

- Yes... Hello... Yes... I'm fine. You? Ok... Ok. I'm going to sleep then. No, I didn't do anything special tonight. I miss you. Goodnight. Love you too.

- Why didn't you tell him I'm here?

- He won't understand. I don't understand it that well myself.

- A social experiment I guess. That's what we are. A test at probability. Maybe in another situation, another time, some other circumstances, we may have been lovers.

- I doubt that.

- Why not?

- I won't love you. My attraction is to the idea of you and not you. Sorry.

- Ah. Ok. 

- I'm sorry. I'm not attracted to you... We're too alike, you know?

- It's ok. Never got that reaction from a girl before. And I've been with a lot.

- First time for everything. I think you should get going.

- Hug?

- Ok.

- Take care then. Take care of yourself.

- I will. This is the last time I will see you. So. Goodbye. Stay safe.

- Fine. Goodnight.

- Night.

Another little love letter

Dear you,
So I have a lot of skeletons in my closet. You came really close to pulling it open yesterday. I fought and screamed and kicked, pushing you away from those demons.
I asked you not to touch that door. Not to bring out those memories so that you wouldn't need to see me struggle with my demons. Then you told me it's ok, that we all have demons, that you're not scared of mine.
I said ok. I trusted you. I let them out one by one. It wasn't as scary for me anymore with you there. Then I noticed you properly and saw the fear you were trying to hide. A fear of me and what I am, this other side of me where you have no control or real say... This why I asked you to leave me be and leave my skeletons be.
Because when they begin their macabre dance, all hell breaks loose in my mind. No one and nothing survives, especially not you and me, especially not us.
It slipped my mind that you had skeletons of your own which I had never truly seen. You were ashamed of it, struggling against it, pushing it into the farthest corner of your mind. I don't know if this is advisable or not, but the worst of you works with the worst of me.
Even if our bests are in two unrelated arenas fending for themselves, the other guards the home while one is away. And when the night falls and the demons come out to play, ours keep each other company.
If this is not love and harmony, I don't know what is. I guess what I'm trying to say is,
I love you.
From me.

Untitled #2

You thought I'd be the one to stay
But I was the one who disappeared
Our endless talks and music filled loves
It all just vanished without a trace.

Somehow you had yourself convinced
That I'd be honest and real
And when it was my turn to pick
I chose to walk away.

You truly thought I'd leave it behind
For a love that seemed too divine,
Nothing can be this good or true,
I left our song for a more familiar tune.

You thought I'd be the one to stay?
After setting the rules of our play?
You trusted me and lost our game,
Foolish one, I'll still take all the blame.

Impossibility

Dreams ended just like it began
Confusion, pain, a distant hand,
A hazy memory, sleepless nights
Some strange passion?
I cannot understand.

I wish it had been better,
Less painful for you.
The pain for me, it's not new.
I wish I didn't bring out
The worst in you.

Our words echo in my mind,
Lost hopes, long nights,
Can we be friends and not lovers,
Maybe just lovers of the mind?
Your words echo in my mind.

Another dream ended like it began,
Torn hearts, broken cages,
Hardened bodies and scarred faces,
Laughing in hiding, trapped in another reality,
At the real impossibility of us.