To Those who will know

Dear You,

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of making your heart's longings come true.
I don't care how old you are. I want to know if you'll risk looking like a fool to chase your dreams and your passion, for the adventure of being alive.
And I want to know if you can sit with pain without moving to hide it or fix it. I want to know if you can handle joy, if you can dance with wildness and let ecstasy take over and throw caution to the wind and just be.
I want to know if you can live with failure and still stand at the edge of a lake and shout out to a full silver moon.
It doesn't matter who you know or how you came here. I want to know if you'll stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink away.
I don't care with whom or how or where you studied and what you've done. It's your past and I respect it for making you who you are now but it will not bother me. I want to know what sustains you from inside when all else falls away and if you like the company you keep in the truly empty moments.
In short, I'm curious about you. I loved you without fully understanding, there was only acceptance. I love you now with a growing comprehension and respect. Each day is something new even with routine and I'll still love you when you're gone.
For you have filled in me, a space and opened the doors to the Now. But these are just fragments, please understand.
I love you, because you are and because I am and because we are and what we will be.
I love. You.

27.10.2014

Love,
Me.

Do you even realise...

Do you even realise
What you put me through?
Each word goes deeper
Than you think will.
Each sentence is marked
Down on this tired heart.
Every expression is noted
And understood in levels.

Do you even realise
What you put me through?
It may just be a joke to you,
Maybe it's me who's hard to talk to,
Maybe it's BOTH of us
And the circumstances don't favour
The words that pass between us.

Do you even realise
What you put me through?
When I have to watch
A gradual self destruction,
An eventual self deprivation
And a final painful decision.
So I say, How terrible it is
To love one whom death can touch.

À Mon Coeur

Tu me captive,
Je te désire;
Tu me sens,
Je te fais plaisir.

Les mots ne suffit pas
Pour décrire à autre,
Comment ça s'est passé
Cette histoire d'amour.

Est-ce que ça
a commencé par une bise?
Est-ce que ça
est arrivé avec un soir

Qui nous avons passé
Sous le ciel et les étoiles -
Il n'y a que juste eux
Qui connaît nos sentiments

Et qui peut raconter
Cette petite histoire à nous.

Beni

My friend. Who are you?
A young man with strong arms,
A mind that watches and grows
With every passing moment becomes elder to you,
But a heart of a child
Struggling to keep your innocence.
The reserve, agressive facade has fallen
To something more better.
Though even now and even then
Maybe had I watched over you better,
I can say with a soul that's priceless,
Your effect is timeless,
Maybe no one acknowledged it my dear,
But it's there and so are you.
So who are you?

_dedicated .

Run.

He looked at her. Who is this girl?
Reality told him it's the girl he loved. Reality told him she's running away. Reality also told him to let her go.
Even though the confusion spread through his mind like a grey smoke, he fought it. Fought the instinct to make her stay, to ask her not to do it. Where would she go? What would she do? It's up to her to decide.

She waited to see if he'd stop her or if he'd come with her. The latter she wished for so much. Someone who'd accompany her while chasing some small dreams. But he just smiled and said Call me if you need or whenever you get back. That's not what she expected. It made her happy and sad. He will not trap me but he will let me go. Somehow that angered her too. She got what she wanted didn't she? Then what was upsetting her? That I don't want to leave without him. That I'm becoming dependant. Even when you are not needing me.

Finally she just turned her back on him and walked away. And he returned to his room. She had a vague map in her head. She had a vague plan. A vague challenge to herself. Travel, smoke a cigarette, find someone new to have a random conversation with. She set out.

The first step out of her sanctuary and she was scared. Terrified. It was hot. Heat, one of her worst weaknesses. She took a deep breath and walked. Her steps faltered when she saw a cigarette shop but she didn't stop. She was alone. What if it caused her to cough so much she couldn't keep on going? No, I can not make myself vulnerable.

And further, she reached the junction, the bus stop. But instead of boarding a bus, she simply kept on walking to a place she knew. A big shop and convinced herself that it was for the AC because it was becoming too hot for her comfort. Once inside, she wandered around. Saw a trinket her old friend might like and bought it. Came outside, Sat at a coffee shop and ordered a coffee. She relaxed and finished her coffee slowly, taking around 40minutes for one cup. Then another random wish came true.

Her mind was lost elsewhere. She watched the people on the road. She made a call to her friend and then started reading a novel on her phone. Nothing seemed to make sense but it did.

And she resolved to try to sneak off one day without letting anyone know. Maybe. Just maybe she could try chasing her dreams again.

Maybe she could just draw a map and run.

Draw That Map

Afraid to take risks,
Still playing the same disk,
Afraid to go out,
What if no one notices.

She is just wandering,
Going through everyday,
Mindlessly, a bit aimlessly,
Lacking a destination.

This was her biggest dream,
And one day she tried it.
She drew a map, took a breath.
Followed the stars, chose a path.

"And run".

_inspired by And Run by He is We.