Untitled #8

Can you love this side of me?
The one I don't let anyone see,
The one that chokes and hopes to die,
Can you love this part of me?
That isn't happy all the time,
That's gonna wanna stay the night?

You'll have a hard time making sense of this:
Understanding a desperate masochist,
I try going out of my head and mind,
Just to get out of bed sometimes.

Can you love this side of me?
The one that looks like it might cry,
The one that didn't need bait to bite,
Can you love this part of me?
That screams in agony,
That chokes for air to breathe?

But why would you do this time,
It's like being in jail but outside,
Why would you help me breathe?
If I'm the one who's choking me.

Maybe I hit my head,
Maybe I was raised to be left,
And if you're looking for a fairytale,
Open another book and walk away.

But can you try to love this part of me?
I'm choking but I'd like to breathe,
I'm gasping but I want to breathe,
Can you love this side of me?
The one ruling the paradox of me,
The one I don't let anyone else see.

Untitled #7

I wish I hadn't told you I was ready on a whim
I wish I hadn't done so many things I did
This year has been nothing but a mess
Of emotions, of changes, of STUFF I'd love to forget

I wish I could take my words back
I wish I could push you away
But I'd wish the same time for you to pull me back
To reel me into safety of sanity's shore
When I'm floating away on blood and gore

My skin is grey and pink
My scars are an angry red
I've never let them rest
Cutting them open till they cease to resist

My arms are trembling
I will not stop
Every part of me screams YES
But one corner says no

This pain will make me comatose.

Comatose Home

I don't feel like coming home.
Even though I thought "home"
Was never home without you and yet,
I don't feel like coming home
When there is so much doubt on change,
And there are new responsibilities to consider,
When secrets have been divulged without any care;
And it doesn't feel like home is with you.
It feels like home has been displaced,
It feels like home has disappeared into that space,
Between life and death, comatose;
Home has turned into something
That no longer exists,
Except in the dark recesses of my mind,
Where everyone else ceases to exist.

September love

I thought someday, someone,
A man would make me feel
That this world is mine;
And then you came along
Blown in my face by a September wind,
Hot like a bonfire made for my December,
(December was the only month I ever lived)
You held my hand and -
I learnt that I am complete without another (hu)man,
I learnt of months existing without the hailstorm,
I learnt to feel the heat and get wet in the rains,
To leave caution to the winds and let love breeze in;
Like you did, to show me a universe of mine.
Ours.