Untitled #03

If you're looking for just love
You've come to the wrong island,
I bloom poison ivy and smell of roses
And lavender and jasmine.
If you've come looking for a friend
You've come to the right corner,
There are waterfalls and strong rocks
Places to catch up and hold on
Fears to conquer and memories to make.
If you're looking for a lover
Maybe I'll let you in my fancy mansion,
Where libraries are an endless maze
Where there is coffee and a cosy fireplace
But your key might just get taken away.

There is a way beyond these games.

If you can love the poison ivy

And find that waterfall

Then you might stay in my mansion -

Be my best friend
And I’ll be your forevermore.

Midnight thoughts

Would you hold me very close,
Curl around me like a question mark, l
Like I could be the answer to some,
If not all, 
Of your unspoken questions?

I wish I knew to tell you,
The truth would soon spill out of me,
It doesn't make sense to be
more than half asleep,
And only having you in mind...

But that's how it is these days,
My first and last thoughts are always you,
You and your beautiful mind.

Don't tell me again

It takes so much in me and of me
Not to break down everytime I remember,
I count eleven breathes to calm down
To not remember those words
Which made feel that every single day
Of six hundred and eleven days
Was not a lie and was not a way of
Planned destruction of my walls,
A well executed theft of my heart,
Only to rip it out, twist it, gut it,
Throw it to the hard cement floor and kick it,
Across the globe like you don't give a damn.
You said you did and then it turned out,
You never did!
I wish you had never told me that you knew,
I wish you had never told me that you needed me,
I would have much rather been a choice
Than a necessity to your survival.
I wish you had never told me that you knew,
Knew the misery and disillusionment I was going through,
And yet never chose to at least just try or tell me,
You could have tried to make it easier or just left,
Without telling me that you knew.
Now you have scarred all 611 days of my memories.
I wish I never knew that you knew.

Touch

Touch me.
Then let me touch you.
Let me feel the highs and lows,
The mountains and plains,
The uneven scars, blemished skin.
Let me unbutton your shirt.
You can unbutton mine.
But before that, let me get naked before you.
Let me tell you about my darkest fears,
Fears I have told a few close friends.
Let me share those happy moments in my life,
Precious ones, like when I first saw you
And you smiled, the first one to smile at me that day.
Let me share what gave me hope.
Now your turn, you tell me,
Undress your thoughts,
Scatter it around or stack it up in a neat pile.
I'll touch your cheek and tell you,
I'm right here, with you,
Even if a few memories still eat
Your hopeful soul, I'm right here,
Even when you want to soar above and not take notice,
Even when you're tired and want to crash.
Now that we're honest about the real wounds,
Those worthy battle scars and warrior tattoos,
Touch me. Just like I'm touching you.
Or maybe show me, how you want to be touched.
We'll throw caution out of the window
And share the bed for once and take a chance
To actually hold each other,
And to trust each other to simply
Stay.

Untitled

Being with someone like him
Makes you feel renewed, alive,
Makes you question
The reality of this time -
Watching him, learning him,
Or trying to learn, it's like
Opening Pandora's box,
So hard to find and keep,
Already fearful to the core,
Expecting demons inside,
And pleasantly shocked
To find angels instead.