Showing posts with label School Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School Life. Show all posts

Sunday, 1 May 2016

Sunshine threads

To my.

It's at times like these that I realise
How much you are to me -
That time when I broke my arm,
And I couldn't write,
I felt I was bleeding ink on bedsheets
Instead of on crisp white paper.

You called me
And you made me laugh,
You made me forget,
You helped me refigure the words,
Repeat them over and over again
Till I knew I wouldn't forget it
And neither would you

And that paper could wait
Because you had me and I had you
To take care of.
*

It's at times like these that I realise
You're much more than a colour -
I would have called you red
For your passion, your life,
I would have called you blue
For the ink you spill on papers
Just like I and
I might have called you yellow
Because you are like sunshine
And white for your Colgate smile.

Did you change to Pepsodent yet?

Then when we both flunk physics
And we tell each other that we've been
Screwed,
And we end up laughing even though
It's either a pass for 12th grade
Or welcome back school life
After the farewell where you turned up
In a wine red sari and I was deep green.
But we both had sunshine threads to join us.

Even in different universities,
In two corners on a map,
Our little corner was always with
That little hut we went to for PE
And you sang, you performed
And I was shocked,
Later turning into your biggest fan
When you light up the stage -
Sunshine threads every time.
*

It's at times like these when I realise
You're my family as much as my -
Best friend, soulmate,
Sister from another mother.

I was going to be a mother and you,
You were to be the godmother,
The aunt who will spoil the kid to high heavens
And it just ended with an anticlimax,
All our plans of Malayalam, English,
History, French, Philosophy,
Any social science, subject which we
Intended to teach him/her along with
Kindness and responsibilities and honesty,
A lot of kindness for this world
That forgets that we are all human,
Honesty in a world which has taught itself
To steal lives, wives, knives, anything,
Responsibilities in world which thinks only
Of its rights without doing its duties...

We lost our much awaited child,
Our baby, my lover and I.
We lost our hopes and dreams,
In one blink of an eye,
In one red torrent and I could detest
That colour red.
But not yours -
Not yours when you came down into that darkness
With a light we couldn't really see,
We were blinded by tears,
Jobs and miserable other lives could just wait.
We needed you and you came.

You came in red for passion.
Red for life.
You showed us what everyone else
Only told us,
That red can be another chance,
Your wine red sari with sunshine threads,
Picking up pieces and
I still remember
Though it was ten years ago and
You told me that I look pretty too
And that we have a whole life in front of us
And papers waiting for my blood,
Red blood, red ink,
This poem stained in red -
Happy and sad,
Destructive and constructive.

Ah. Tell me if I am ever,
A stable grey kaleidescope,
Or a wandering kitten
Or a shade of happy life to you.

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

She

She is more than just a rock in the sea.
She is the weather, fierce and proud.
She is the sea, pulling and pushing.
She is the sky, calm yet rolling.
She is more than the smooth rock you cling to in the sea.

She is quiet yet her mind speaks continuously non-stop.
She listens, understands yet doesn't agree.
She knows the difference between true and wrong,
Yet she will always see.
Her why is always answered.

She may wear a guide of an angel,
While being the devil's temptress.
She is a shape-changer
Who always stays the same.
She might drink, smoke, cry, shout,
All this and more - you'll never know.

She guards her secrets by letting them be open,
Little messages and hints, small puzzle pieces.
Almost never has one ever placed them together,
Never has one seen the whole picture.
She is nothing good yet nothing bad -

Only doomed, to forever see those sad.

Thursday, 28 August 2014

To The Friend In My Mobile

You piss me off, you make me laugh
You make me cry,
You make me grin
Even if at a mobile screen
The few words typed—
It means a million things.

Finally, even when we know —
We hurt the ones we love the most.

Saturday, 3 May 2014

I Wonder Now...

I wonder now.
Would it have made a difference if you had asked me to stay?
Or would I have gone, have left anyway?

I wonder now.
How did we reach this plain and not see the stars?
Did we become blind to our dreams from far?

This is no poem, no verse, no rhyme,
These are just words to bring in few dimes,
But I wonder now where we went two ways
Because I started hoping when we met again today.

Friday, 18 April 2014

Would I?

If I could erase my past,
Would I? I doubt because
Its very existence then denies
The existence now that is mine.

If I could forget all the deeds,
Would I? I doubt because
Happiness carried once a name
That was sometimes yours
And then mine.

Monday, 13 January 2014

Seeing Is Believing

I wonder of my worth,
How you see me with your eyes -
The weird, crazy girl
Or the silent with grumpy eyes?
People all around
Yet I feel lost,
Somewhere I belong yet
Somehow I am lost.
Is it because he isn't here?
Is it because there is more?
Or is it because there is goodbye
Coming soon to tear at hearts and souls?

How do YOU see me stranger?
As the timid one in the group?
The one who keeps silent
Until provoked to?
The one who keeps trying
To fit in with the crowd she likes?
Maybe I should just keep silent
And disappear from their lives.

How do you see me professor?
The one with all the answers?
The one with all the doubts?
The one dead outside the course?
How did you see me mother?
The one who never worked?
The one who never cared
And the one who never loved?

How did you see me world?
Someone who can't understand
The vagaries of the heart or mind?
The one who broke hearts knowing
And unknowingly in her stand?
The one who reads and reads,
The one who dreams a lot in ink,
The one who can't think

Outside the box she is in.
How did I see myself?
I once saw a princess.
How do I see myself?
I see thorns and not a rose instead.

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

The Music In Me

I saw him happy then I saw him fall ; now I wait and watch him grow ~~~

There is fire in his eyes. Dexterity in his fingers. But this stands out, the expressions from his music. His music. His very own. I'd give anything to be that good but without passion or talent, technical advancement in music is a waste as far as I am concerned.
So much passion. So much heat. I couldn't even think.
I wasn't hearing the music.
That brash sound claiming confidence yet listening I think I hear something else.
Freedom, doubts, willingness.... Happiness.
Was that same in him? ~~~

What will they think? Will this be okay? But I said so and now I have to. Well let's do it then...
This this and that yes come yes go no higher no be soft yes no croon plead yes yes brave be brave yes brave free so free...
It's over.
  - Which level are you at? Have you completed any music examinations?
  - No, but you see I... I... No, I haven't.
  - Thank you. Next?
What was that about? It's music whether I have learnt before or not and no matter what exam! He is unfair. Hasn't he been always to me? No, no, I must not think like that. He is a good musician himself I suppose. He will see I hope...
  - Jacob!!! That was so AMAZING!!
  - Haha, thank you... But that was really nothing. Believe me.
  - No dude, that was awesome. YOU believe ME. You're so going to win this thing.
  - I hope and God willing, maybe if I am deserving.
  - You are DEFINITELY deserving.
  - Haha that is kind of you to say. Thank you.
  - Always so formal?
  - Che! I am not formal.
  - Of course you are not.
The rolling eyes, the demeanor, the positive attitude of these people... Does this mean I can? Ok, I know I can... But this means so much to me... To be recognized would be... Well. Plenty of time yet. This might only be a beginning.

Thursday, 5 December 2013

Home.

Darkness surrounds her -
She can not fight.
Weeks to go -
She slowly dies.

Unchained yet chained,
Loneliness sinks in,
Depression strikes hard,
At the girl within.

She screams and screams,
Cries then moans,
For the new place she found
Which is now to her -

Home.

25 Days More in Death

Tormenting glassy confines,
Sucked into a vortex of time -
Month of merry making, no.
Month of tears told,
You spent time in fantasy
But you were never far away,
Yet you chose to forget reality :
The chill on a summer's day;

How dare you try forget
The roots from where you were born?
Roots that will now strangle you
For daring to get torn
Apart from the green fields and blue sky,
Fast tongues in gentle hearts,
Clean air and calm breeze -
What some love to call home
Yet you call it disease;

A cancer you try to rid,
A cancer which will not give in,
A cancer that you did
Because you are the one who sinned -

Against the mother,
Against the father,
The brother and the grandmother,
Sisters, uncles and aunts,
More family untold up in arms
Ready to mow you down
For you're the black sheep in that crowd,
The weed that must be pruned,
A good seed turned bad, they muse.

Yet you, lone flower, tried to defend
What is yours and who are you in sense,
To finally give up and give in
To everything that left her dead inside skin.

25 days more to life.

Thursday, 14 November 2013

ANAMIKA: One Last Note

To him.
Fake smiles won't hide the tears in your eyes,
And farewell doesn't mean it was all lies.
Be safe.

Saturday, 19 October 2013

Anamika: Alone in the Crowd

Alone I feel the darkness surrounding -
Blend into the background mildly,
Watch the masti on and on,
Make no trouble, make no sound,
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee,
Feed on the energy, look on in glee,
Keep the aura of silence as my robe
To cloak my hooded figure under the lone lamp-post.

Friday, 1 February 2013

Unnamed - A Chemistry Class

Beg, plead
I cry for sleep
In a classroom
On a Chemical Eve

The monotony
Of Chemistry of Surfaces
Teacher, no offence
But its just too hot for this! 

After surviving the blazing sun
In the morning assembly
Healthily cooking
The travesty of tans and suns...

Now to face another misery
Why can't they just
Let us be? 
Disasters of lines and making

I wonder, 
Is this all really necessary? 

My Friend

What's a friend?
You never know -
He glows in the dark
Amidst your shadows.
He helps you up,
Never says no ;
Gives you light,
Shares your sorrow ;
Doubles your joy,
Coming in endless flights,
With wings of light -
Your one and only,
Your true friend.

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

No License

I was here for a year,
But feels like ten states away,
And no one sees me,
I'm just another of the day.

Who is right and who is wrong,
Who cares if I'm on my own?
Who should bother driving my life?
I don't have a license, I'm backside.

Sunday, 4 November 2012

For You


Once upon a time there was a little boy and a little girl. They studied in the same school, same class but became very close (the best of) friends only at the last moments, the last year. They went their own ways but kept contact and the friendship always remained strong. They were best friends forever. The end.

Most people thought, expected, that they'll fall in love but it was never like that. Doesn't have to be. It was pure, true friendship to the core, the likes of which we rarely see. A girl and a boy can just be friends. It doesn't have to get messy and weird. Friendship is a beautiful gift you give yourself...

...And it doesn't have to be friendship day or someone's birthday to let your BEST FRIEND know Just How Much they mean to you -
Doesn't matter the fights and misunderstandings, 
But it matters that you weathered through... Together.

I'm sharing this story with for my best friends, boys & girls, cause I wanted to remind them something - 

You're my best friend and I'm not letting go
No matter what, through thick and thin,
From stop to start,
I don't want our friendship to ever part.

Yours truly.


P.S. - Why don't you let your best friends know what they mean to you too? Surprise them. And see what happens :)

Saturday, 3 November 2012

It Doesn't Make Sense

Staring out the window
Eyes fixed, mind wandering
Wondering, 'Just what the hell am I thinking? '
Nothing makes sense
Nothing matters
It doesn't even bother
To be unnoticed, unwondered
'Unwondered'? Here's another
Nothing makes sense
But then, nothing matters.

Still staring out the window
Seeing the kids come in
Empty classes filling in
Groups, individuals and what not
Nothing makes sense
But then again, nothing matters.

For one last time
A last look around
Your last year in your first school
A last look at your first home
Bell rings, I wake up.

What happened?
It doesn't make sense
And I don't know if it matters.

Friday, 21 September 2012

ANAMIKA - The Nameless One

There is no sense,
There is no rhythm,
And I don't know what to do.
Committed to one
And in love with another,
I don't know who to choose.
My commitment is strong,
My heart doesn't waver,
When it comes to duty I should.
But love for you
Has torn me asunder,
So tell me what to do.

Do I pick you?
And confuse my life
More than it already is?
Or do I choose myself?
And escape while I can
Before you clip my wings?
I have lost my heart,
I have lost my name,
I have nothing left.
What to do
And where to go?
How do I face myself?

This is my story
So I chose a name.
A name for myself
To be rendered again.
Nameless I have become,
Nameless I shall be -
No faces, no disguise
This is who I'll be.

'Anamika' I choose,
'The one without name' ;
I have nothing to lose
So now claim freedom again.

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Gold And Silver


It's hard to say goodbye
But it's near time for new hello-s,
Old friends are gold,
And new are silver
Till we get to know each other.

Hopefully we'll still meet and remember,
All the fun times and get-togethers,
The laughter and silly jokes
Burned in my mind forever. 

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Eighteen With A Front Row Seat


" I'm just a little bit caught in the middle 
  Life is a maze and love is a riddle  
  I don't know where to go 
  I can't do it alone I've tried  
  And I don't know why 

  I'm just a little girl lost in the moment  
  I'm so scared but I don't show it  
  I can't figure it out 
  It's bringing me down 
  I know I've got to let it go
 And just enjoy the show "

These are the lyrics of the song called "The Show" by Lenka.

But it really just about sums up what I've been feeling for quite a while now. 
After just getting out of school, I feel a bit like a fish out of water. Every other year before this, there wasn't much of a hassle because I'm returning to the same place. The only worry was which division would I be in and who'd be the teachers I'm gonna get. Now it's like... "OMG, who am I gonna hang out with? Where am I going? With who will I be staying?" etc etc and etc.
It's like "what what and what" ... Sooooo confusing and definitely a lot more responsibilities. Yeah yeah, people try to help but really, it can't be the same for everyone can it?
In my case, it's a leap of faith I'm gonna take by going into a stream completely unrelated to what I've learnt so far. 

So far, after turning 18, EVERYTHING seems new.
As in, I drove a car for the first time, went to a bank alone for the first time, will go to a completely new place probably without the close friends I've had so far for the first time... A LOT of first times are yet to come. :| And I'm also still not over missing what once was life for me - where everything was black and white and I didn't have to worry about more than school, homework, co-curriculars and home. The basic outline of life was more or less the same for 14 years. And that IS a REALLY long time.

Hence I guess that's why I feel a little... Lost right now. :/ I mean, I'm not even out of the kid stage yet! I'm still amateur and I don't really know much ( though I must admit I thought I knew enough at a point). 
sigh. But like they say, Life Has To Move On. So I can't keep waddling in my own imagination of what is going to come and look on it like a... Big bad boogie monster, NOR can I avoid the reality that I am an ADULT now. A major. A full fledged citizen of India.  

Plus I'm more or less positive I'm not the only one out there with similar feelings. Like we're out on a new playing field where the scores from before have been wiped clean. That the feeling of "I know what I need to know" has been replaced with "Damn I don't know about this and this and that". I mean it's not like we've done this before... 
But like for most things, I guess it's the "You're not alone" (love you MJ!) feeling that gives us SOME feeling of betterment. :)

After all, it can't be THAT bad can it?

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Me And My Books


To go to a place
That's not just in my dreams,
My books, my friends,
Take me everywhere it seems.

A meadow, a lake
Or a mountain top,
Or maybe just take
Me to an old farmhouse.

Adventures at some pages,
Simple fun at others,
Gets trapped in a cage
To escape in another.

A whole new world
You're free to explore,
To go at your own pace
Through pages of folklore.