" I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show "
These are the lyrics of the song called "The Show" by Lenka.
But it really just about sums up what I've been feeling for quite a while now.
After just getting out of school, I feel a bit like a fish out of water. Every other year before this, there wasn't much of a hassle because I'm returning to the same place. The only worry was which division would I be in and who'd be the teachers I'm gonna get. Now it's like... "OMG, who am I gonna hang out with? Where am I going? With who will I be staying?" etc etc and etc.
It's like "what what and what" ... Sooooo confusing and definitely a lot more responsibilities. Yeah yeah, people try to help but really, it can't be the same for everyone can it?
In my case, it's a leap of faith I'm gonna take by going into a stream completely unrelated to what I've learnt so far.
So far, after turning 18, EVERYTHING seems new.
As in, I drove a car for the first time, went to a bank alone for the first time, will go to a completely new place probably without the close friends I've had so far for the first time... A LOT of first times are yet to come. :| And I'm also still not over missing what once was life for me - where everything was black and white and I didn't have to worry about more than school, homework, co-curriculars and home. The basic outline of life was more or less the same for 14 years. And that IS a REALLY long time.
As in, I drove a car for the first time, went to a bank alone for the first time, will go to a completely new place probably without the close friends I've had so far for the first time... A LOT of first times are yet to come. :| And I'm also still not over missing what once was life for me - where everything was black and white and I didn't have to worry about more than school, homework, co-curriculars and home. The basic outline of life was more or less the same for 14 years. And that IS a REALLY long time.
Hence I guess that's why I feel a little... Lost right now. :/ I mean, I'm not even out of the kid stage yet! I'm still amateur and I don't really know much ( though I must admit I thought I knew enough at a point).
sigh. But like they say, Life Has To Move On. So I can't keep waddling in my own imagination of what is going to come and look on it like a... Big bad boogie monster, NOR can I avoid the reality that I am an ADULT now. A major. A full fledged citizen of India.
Plus I'm more or less positive I'm not the only one out there with similar feelings. Like we're out on a new playing field where the scores from before have been wiped clean. That the feeling of "I know what I need to know" has been replaced with "Damn I don't know about this and this and that". I mean it's not like we've done this before...
But like for most things, I guess it's the "You're not alone" (love you MJ!) feeling that gives us SOME feeling of betterment. :)
But like for most things, I guess it's the "You're not alone" (love you MJ!) feeling that gives us SOME feeling of betterment. :)
After all, it can't be THAT bad can it?
