Of stories and insomnia

It's so easy to lie awake -
Think of the endless chores of the next day,
Become that hamster on the wheel,
Know you're in a cage but still,
Think it's a pretty cage,
So never leave.
It's so easy to lie awake -
Imagine the hard lines of your body
Against the soft curves of mine,
To know that they won't meet,
Then heave a sigh ~
Of regret and relief mingled to tell you
Another goodbye.
It's so easy to lie awake -
Next to strangers on unknown beds,
Hoping to find solace in exhaustion,
It just doesn't come ~
No matter what I do they're not you,
I'm not me either with them...
I'm a fragment of the picture,
A waking dream, a shard of memory,
A pink hope, a black space, a blue drink?
Dark circles under our eyes ,
That crooked smile suggesting a story,
Untold, one that shouldn't be heard,
Yet we tell it to ourselves every night
As you lie awake sleepless on our own.
It's so easy to lie awake.

What's your name?

I saw you that night,
Black eyes, twinkling,
Like the stars in the sky.
I wanted to ask your name,
But I was too shy.

I saw you again, on the way
To the classroom, in the hall.
That was a morning, a bit indistinct,
I don't quite recall.
I thought of asking your name.

Few glances here and there,
We kept crossing paths yet
Like two strangers who couldn't care
Of what thoughts, unbidden, rise
In a heart caged by life.

I didn't know what to do.
I couldn't care less, but somehow I do,
Because each time I cross you,
I wish to ask your name.
Yet I feel I shouldn't do.

Should one bother over a stranger?
A stranger, intriguing and familiar?
This is a question to you too,
I'm sure even you've had the chance.
That stranger given a second glance.

Misplaced Love : One who loved and lost

Nothing goes unnoticed
So little goes unmarked
Much goes unadressed
All goes as planned.

I see the fire in your eyes
The fire that doesn‘t burn for me
I see that fire growing bright
I wish that it would be for me.

I wait to see you open up
To lay bare your heart, not just your chest
Cryptic and cold, so close and so far away
I still wait for you with the pain of one bereft.

Nothing goes unnoticed
So little goes unmarked
Tell me where you hide your secrets
Tell me why you hide your scars.

Much goes unaddressed
The longings of your soul
The silent calls I wish to answer
Yet somehow you let me go.

All goes as planned
When you finally push me away
Tell me why you keep me
When you know we‘re no longer the same.

I can still see that fire, darling
It is still burning high
Why can‘t it be me darling
When I‘m the one you call wife.

You lay bare your chest every night
We are joined yet aloof
What is the point of this charade
Other than to leave us without a roof.

So cold and so far away
No matter how hard I try
Why did I marry you husband
When your love feels like a lie.

Where is the other you desire
I care not if it be man or woman
But all I see is endless smoke
Surrounding you till heavens.

I gave nothing but love
And now I can only offer grief
For I have nothing left to call my own
Even my flower has been taken from me.

Old age gives no comfort husband
When you have to live together alone
Or maybe it is just me who is lonely
Your mistress will substitute your weak wife over all.

The glimpses of your smile still strike me
It makes me younger than I am now
Yet all you offer is some pain to me
And I greedily snatch it all.

Smiles

It feels easier to smile
Than to show what's inside.

Tears, tears and more tears,
Anger, indescribable fury,
Coldness, the lack of a heart,
Confusion, only thoughts and no feelings.

Smiles through it all,
She stands in her mind alone.

The vast maze where she loses self,
Which is everything and nothing,
Which is ruined beyond repair,
Where there is darkness and escape.

But escape is another trap, she smiles,
Her thoughts carrying her further and further.

After everything she does,
Her eyes are still cold,
Her lips pull back to a smile,
Everything pleases yet hurts.

Nothing is wrong, she smiles,
Everything will be fine.

Is it really going to be
When you are only thoughts, lady?
There are people, a person,
Waiting for you, just waiting.

Let him wait, she says and another smile,
He will go when he sees he deserves better.

Why so cold lady?
Have you no heart?
There is love and calculation
But maths never gave birth to love.

I know yet so I am and so I will be,
I smile knowing all and nothing.

All I do no matter what - happy, sad or angry -
Is smile, just simply smile to hide.