My pretty little imps

You tell me to sleep,
Sleep with all these demons in my head
Not demons, more like trolls
Trolls who play with me
And now I play with them
Or maybe like mischievous imps
Maybe just my own thoughts
Crashing down like an avalanche
Into what used to be a happy valley for two
Now it's overpopulated with thoughts of me
Than of you.

You tell me to sleep
That sleep which never comes
Which makes me lie awake till 3am
Which makes me wonder why
Why bother living
When it is so much easier to die
Be reborn and find a new path
No one seems to understand
That chaos in my mind
Those vivid colours I see when I close my eyes
The turbulence of the waves under which I'm trapped

Unable to swim or see ground
Get dashed against rocks over and over
Never dying, caught in a limbo
Should I start the antidepressants again?
You tell me to sleep,
Now I wonder if I may choose an endless sleep
A drug induced sleep
The sleep of unborn foetuses like my own
At least I would have obeyed you then
I would have slept like I was ordered to,
Or maybe asked to,

You tell me to sleep
So I close my eyes and lie awake
In another world far away
Where those imps burn me alive,
I scream in joy, those flames are blessed
Let me die when I'm alive
Surrounded, 'loved' and alone by choice,
You tell me to sleep,
So I shall. Let me just wish you before
I drown in nightmares,
Goodbye and goodnight.

Of stories and insomnia

It's so easy to lie awake -
Think of the endless chores of the next day,
Become that hamster on the wheel,
Know you're in a cage but still,
Think it's a pretty cage,
So never leave.
It's so easy to lie awake -
Imagine the hard lines of your body
Against the soft curves of mine,
To know that they won't meet,
Then heave a sigh ~
Of regret and relief mingled to tell you
Another goodbye.
It's so easy to lie awake -
Next to strangers on unknown beds,
Hoping to find solace in exhaustion,
It just doesn't come ~
No matter what I do they're not you,
I'm not me either with them...
I'm a fragment of the picture,
A waking dream, a shard of memory,
A pink hope, a black space, a blue drink?
Dark circles under our eyes ,
That crooked smile suggesting a story,
Untold, one that shouldn't be heard,
Yet we tell it to ourselves every night
As you lie awake sleepless on our own.
It's so easy to lie awake.