Taint of fear

I have felt like this before
And it led to nowhere but trouble,
You assure me time and time again
That you do not mean to hurt me;
But neither did he initially
And hurt me, he did -
Oh so cruelly, so intentionally,
That was when I felt like this
Before; when I did not know better,
When I thought in love you would never,
Ever,
Want to hurt the other soul;
He taught me otherwise.
A lesson I'm not sure if I'm grateful for.
Because I'm feeling like how
I've felt once before,
When I was willing to give my trust
With open arms and no hidden thorns,
With all the love overflowing,
Because I only know one way to love,
Even now,
I only know to love completely
Or not at all.
Yet my love is tainted with scarred trust,
Rusted gates of my heart creaking opposition,
Of not letting you in.
I'm scared, terrified of what you may do,
Because if you intentionally hurt me,
I will hurt you 2.