Sacrifice

Every time you called and I came,
I never questioned the story or the fail,
You were never to blame in our game,
Rules changed now, I'm no longer tame -
You consumed all the air inside my lungs,
Ripped off all the skin from off my bones,
I was prepared to sacrifice my life,
But now I won't do it twice -
All the energy in my soul is gone,
All the passion burned out long ago,
I would stay longer had you been nice,
But now I'm leaving, cold as ice.

Impossibility

Dreams ended just like it began
Confusion, pain, a distant hand,
A hazy memory, sleepless nights
Some strange passion?
I cannot understand.

I wish it had been better,
Less painful for you.
The pain for me, it's not new.
I wish I didn't bring out
The worst in you.

Our words echo in my mind,
Lost hopes, long nights,
Can we be friends and not lovers,
Maybe just lovers of the mind?
Your words echo in my mind.

Another dream ended like it began,
Torn hearts, broken cages,
Hardened bodies and scarred faces,
Laughing in hiding, trapped in another reality,
At the real impossibility of us.

In the hands of a writer...

You'll never die in the hands of a writer.
Her fingers will trace the stubble over your cheek,
Wander the planes of your skin,
Memorise and evoke poetry from the smallest of things...

You'll never die in the hands of a writer.
Her eyes roam over your face,
Your every expression noted and stored away,
For stories to spun of strong, gentle grace...

You'll never die in the hands of a writer.
Her pain will write many deaths of loves,
Painful, harsh and beautiful
Till she abandons you like dying star...

You'll never die in the hands of a writer.
Even through the death and birth,
Whatever beauty she ever beheld
In you, stays immortalised along side the hurt,

As you transform into magnificent art
Like a stormy sun and a hot, wet rain,
Something rare, harsh and precious,
You'll never die in the hands of a writer.

Unsung heroes

You will always stay a memory wrought with mixed feelings -
The friend I would love to make yet am scared to,
The one I could one day choose to love because I instantly felt trust,
Instantly felt safe, though I wonder if your vocation has something to do with it;

Defense, front line against another war, you protect and you wear it like a cloak,
An unsung superhero, another face, another memory,
You will always stay a memory wrought with mixed feelings -
Of what might have been, of what I should have said,
Of what might have happened if we could let it,

And always, trust me, you will stay a memory -
Kin and family that I could not know -
Heaven or hell would be where we meet again -
I wish I could have known you more than I know now -
Like a friend and family, but now we could never know.

So you will always stay a memory wrought with mixed feelings
Because there are so many what if-s left still to wonder about.

Memories

In hidden corners of green and grey,
(The places we hide in to go away)
With a few letters on paper and play,
(Love letters after class, fighting for don't-know-what)
Some quite moments of staring on blue,
(Water in the Well isn't really so blue)
Brown and gold back to brown and black,
(When you look at me just so, I melt into you)
Some stories are just for...
(Late nights with coffee, tea and a kitchen top)
The one who knows
(I love you).

Final goodbyes

Ah. Love. I forget what it is like almost.
Then I think of bygone eras and so many futures. Then, I think of you.
Love. What an embodiment of love. But the feeling burnt out just as you did too.
That last moment on the hospital bed when you said, I'm sorry, I was just using you.

#momentdownthememorylane

Silent Love Silenced

In a soft rain that seeped into them -
The scent of soil tainting his -
A cloth that slowly slipped away,
A soft brown shoulder as of yet untouched
Gently pushed back, a bare back against the hard and wet
Wall behind pressed into delicate skin -
The slight pain kissed away by the lover
Arousal in her, drawing out a quiet sound -
His hands on her stomach, her hips,
Standing body to body, lips to lips -
A drenched white shirt, pushed back,
Fell on the floor, turned brown as the rain grew -
In strength, quiet silent strength,
Her mouth covered by his, there is no sound -
The rain fell and fell, no one knew.
One late evening, it just happened and it happens
More often than you know, the power of love,
What one may think, do, gain or lose -
The rain will fall and fall,
And now mix with her tears as they drop to the floor,
Her only support before her yet behind somehow,
Tears fall, there will be more -
It continues next day when
You know not what to say
And his eyes betray his thoughts
As hers guard the pain inside,
When no one knows, the rain fell and fell -
Another proposal came, took her away
And they were lost to each other forever,
His action and wish had come too late,
Only memories , bittersweet remain -
Of the rain falling, the mist guarding,
Their silent love -
Which has now been silenced, la fin.

Flashback_2

The remembrance was what hurt. The gentleness, the care. The careless thought that time would give you a forever. But time gave her ‘happy‘. Which is a lot more than what most people could say. Especially those who are toeing the edge of a clinical depression. A chronic depression.
The remembrance was what hurt. Along with the words, he‘s never coming back. That word there, “never“. It used to make her happy.
But now it just made her unexplicably sad. Not upset, not hysterical.

Just sad.

“Hey, you better?“, he asked caressing her tummy. “Yes“, she mumbled. His carelessly dropped kiss made her shiver. Made her yearn for more. Much more. She reached out a hand and cupped his face. He closed the distance between them with a smile and kissed her. He liked it, leading in the bedroom, but small moments like this when she made the first move, he enjoyed those. He never spoke it loud but she knew. She didn‘t need to hear the words. His arms were exploring the familiar areas under him. Marriage was a question that hadn‘t even come up in these long five years. They didn‘t care for it. He whispered into her ear, “I love you“. Her reply was a nip on his bare, muscled shoulder and a playful grin, “I know“. His indulgent smile made her pull him close for another kiss, deeper and longer. Then he fell to her side and hugged her tight. Oft repeated words whose feelings had only increased with time, “I won‘t let you go, you know“. “But I don‘t want you to. Ever“, she snuggled deeper against the solid planes of his chest revelling in the feeling of her softness pushing, melding against a hard wall. Her dependable, much loved wall and tower of strength and protection. And of course, a lot of happiness. He murmered into her hair, “Never“, and closed his eyes. Her pain was subsiding. They couldn‘t get adventurous this close to the danger period but these shared moments satisfied them both. The nearness, the togetherness. Everyone wondered why they didn‘t get married. It wasn‘t as though they weren‘t already living together. But they didn‘t care what people thought. This was their happy time. Their love, their romance. Each one has their own story just as they have theirs. Each one has their own reasons just as they have theirs. And marriage was an idea that was taboo, never discussed. Their relationship was an open secret... known to everyone but family. For reasons that were theirs too. “I love you so much...“, she sighed and drifted off to sleep, content in her lover‘s arms. Nothing else mattered then except them and their bubble of joy. Nothing.

Flashback_1

One late night phone call. Images of her lover filled her mind. She wouldn‘t hear that voice again. The husky male voice which she was so familiar with. She wouldn‘t see those eyes again. Those brown eyes flecked with gold whose every look she knew. She wouldn‘t feel those arms again. Strong, rough yet gentle which knew to play her body like a masterpiece. She wouldn‘t be able to rest her head against that lithe muscular chest. All those little pleasures, those little details like the small scars on his face, the few callouses on his hands, the texture of his skin, the smell of him... The details which were taken as granted, which were taken as a sign of him, which made the big picture, which now felt like everything. All lost in the blink of an eye. He had said, “Honey, I‘m coming home.“

He had promised he‘d come home.

They were lying on the bed together when the pain started. The usual abdominal cramps that most women experience and detest. “Is there any ibuprofen left? Or atleast paracetamol? I can‘t take this. It hurts too bad“, she cringed as more cramps took over. He rolled over in bed and started stroking her tummy. Deftly, he moved his hand under her tshirt in one quick move and continued stroking. “It‘s not good to take medicines all the time. Is there anything else I can get you? Here, do you feel any better?“, he enquired. “Hot.... Water“, she bit out the two words tersely. Teeth clenched in pain and rolled on her side, she hugged herself tight. Her lover‘s hand continued weaving its magic infinitesimally slowly yet surely. He knew to wait out the worst first. Years of experience had taught him that. “Are you sure it will help?“, he kept massaging the soft skin of her tummy. “Yesss“, she hissed between her teeth and curled up into herself even more. He got up from their spoon position and fetched the thermoflask. Pouring some water into a cup, he offered it to her. Then seeing her condition, he set the cup and flask on the table and helped her sit up. “Here take this. If it still doesn‘t improve, I‘ll get you the ibuprofen ok?“, he murmered soothingly into her ear. “Ok“, she relaxed a bit against him, clutching her half finished cup of hot water. An old movie played on the LCD TV that hung neatly on their bedroom wall. No one switched it off.