*Part Six - Turbulence*
"Alison? Are you ok?"
Which ever one of you said that go to hell. I'm NOT ok. I won't be ok. I never was OK to start off with. I'm backing off. I'm running. I haven't run like this in ages. I have no idea where I'm heading... My feet are taking me somewhere. Somewhere.
Somewhere. The old ditch. Filled with rainwater now. I can sit and think in peace. I'm so scared right now. I might end up losing her... And I might lose him again too. But... We never wanted it. So it doesn't matter. He can't matter as much as my baby.
My precious child. The one whom I raised alone, away from everything in my past. Away from my past cause it would hurt her too and not just me. Else I would have faced it... Could have faced it. And now? Now ALL of it is going to come crashing on her. I haven't lied to her. She knows her father's name is Charlie and that I chose not to marry her father. She knows all of this. But right now...
Right now, they could be telling her anything. They could be telling her that Valen ran away from everything. That I ran away. After all my telling her that she should never run from a fight. Never ever. It'll be just ....
*flashback*
"You're really leaving?"
"Yes Noah. I am."
"Not a good idea Allie."
"When is it ever good?"
"You are runnin away."
"I'm going away there's a difference."
"Sigh Allie it cant be that bad, just cause - "
"No Noah I NEED to go."
"Fine, go. Who am I to stop you?"
"My friend?"
"You won't listen to me anyway... And... I can't say I support it... But I understand your state."
"Really?"
"Yeah... Maybe you'll be happier away. If you want a friend... I'm still here. Just don't forget that ok?"
"Thank you. What more can I say?"
"Hmm. Well. Let me know your number."
"Yeah I will. Bye Noah. Thank you."
"Don't mention it."
My friends. I have my friends. My family. My family that I chose. Whom I can depend on. I have them through everything. I can be strong. I have them. Phone's ringing.
"Hey"
"Why did you call Charlie?"
Is it just me or does my voice seem entirely too cold?
"Who were you talking to?"
"My friend."
"Who?"
"Not your concern."
"I want it to be. Look I - "
"Well I don't want it to be your damn concern. Good bye."
If that wasn't harsh then I don't know what is. But he's not going to keep me here. Tomorrow. The train to Dublin. End of this chapter and start of another. So simple to think about.
Packing? Done. Rest of the family will be busy elsewhere tomorrow? Yes. Tickets and everything ready to take? Yes. Nothing left for last moment? Yes. So everything is ok? No, because only a trusted few know about this and the rest... They'll have to know later I guess. And what about Charlie?
So much confusion... It would be one thing to stay here itself and another to go away entirely. I can make it up with him. There was fault on my side...
But... No. No. I'm so sorry Charlie. I can't stay. I can't face this anymore... I just can't.
I just can't.
*flashback ends*
.... like I'm a hypocrite. I did run away. From family. From love. From commitment because it was leading into expectations that I couldn't manage and things I didn't want to live with. I wanted to escape and I did. After leaving a lot of thorns where I was before. Oh my word. Oh no. No. Please no. That look on her face. And his. So alike with shock. They're running towards me? They're saying something... I can't make it out. I feel like I'm floating. Huh? Floating? I can't feel my feet. Everyone's still there and blabbering but I can't make anything out. Someone's carrying me?
Someone's carrying me. And I'd know that sweet smell anywhere.
I'm so sorry.
