Shush... _3

“Shush, it‘s ok. Lie down here, on my lap. Come.“
“But...“
“Come.“
“But I stink. You hate it.“
“Thank your luck because a cold blocked my nose halfway. I can‘t smell anything very strong. Lie down. You‘ll feel better.“
“Ok.“
He fell back on to her lap and closed his eyes. His head was buzzing. She must be speaking very softly because it sounded like a normal volume to him and in his current state... every sensation was amplified. So the shock he felt when soft, full lips brushed against his forehead was magnified tenfold. A slight shiver ran down his spine at the sensations running wild over his skin.

His eyes remained closed. She decided he had fallen asleep. Then it wouldn‘t hurt to just experiment. To just see if the spark was there. If there was ever even a possibility. His breathing was even. No one was around at that time of high noon. She gently kissed him on his lips.

There were no words to say. They didn‘t need words. His hand came up and tangled itself in her hair, holding her face in place. The first kiss, supposed to be a small test, became a full experiment... between them both.

Slowly, he let her loose and she came back to her sitting position. He turned himself to face away from her, his head still on her lap.

She sat stiff and erect, mortified by what just happened. Her reaction to him and his reaction to her had been incredible. ‘Like carbonate in HCl‘, whispered the geek in her and she found herself stopping a smile. This was not right.

The past two weeks... he had been there more than her other friends. In fact, last few days she hadn‘t even felt like being with anyone much and had pushed everyone off... except him. What made him special? Not the looks, not the arrogant demeanor and not the cutthroat style of dealing with her. It couldn‘t be. Or may be it was the fact nobody else dared to be like that with her. And no other guy had dealt with her with this kind of self-confidence to take what he wanted and give back so much in return. So many possibilities. Such a complicated person with so many sides. She still felt the imprint of his gentle minstrations from yesterday. But the question she had no real answer to was why her.

His head was buzzing. He wasn‘t thinking rationally. Such a gentle girl, he shouldn‘t end up causing her more hurt when she had enough going on in her life. But he had found all that out just recently. Quite recently. She had been everyone‘s last resort. Someone who would quietly listen if you were genuinely upset and offer solutions. The practical one. So this Impractical move was quite unexpected from her. It was clear even in his addled mind that she was giving an unspoken answer to his unasked question from yesterday. And it was quite sure that she wouldn‘t let it repeat either. He groaned. Why on earth had he drunk himself to oblivion last night? To quench his burning desire to be with a certain someone maybe.

His groan caught her attention. She was sure it was louder than what he expected it to be. She placed a firm hand on his shoulder and asked, “Are you ok? Do you need anything?“
‘Can I say : “Yeah, you“ ?‘, he mused and croaked out,“Water...“
“Ok, here you go“, she replied, fishing out a bottle from her small satchel which was next to her.
“Thanks“, he sat up and drank thirstily. His throat was parched. He stank even to himself. He could see her, Feel her controlling her small coughs caused by the stench of cigarette smoke that clung to his shirt. He was not in a good state. But all he wanted was to be near her... it was comforting somehow, her presence.

Shush... _2

“Shush, it‘s ok“, he whispered, his mouth next to her ear. Now both her hands were under his, his body half-pinning her down under him. She tensed.
“Please...No.“
He paused for a beat, continuing the momentary contact of his lips with the soft hair... and then moved back to his side and lay down. ‘What was I thinking?‘, he wondered and then told himself mockingly,‘Absolutely nothing.‘

‘I‘m not in a good state of mind now. We should leave. I shouldn‘t let him kiss me anywhere‘, she warned herself but still remained next to his warmth, unmoving and silent. There wasn‘t anything to be done. In both of their minds, their mutual reactions were being read as lust - pure and simple, triggered by the circumstances and the environment they were in. Suddenly a phone started beeping.

“Hello?“, his voice sounded more gruff than usual and he had no explanations.

His tersely spoken ‘Hello‘ made her more tense. ‘Now what?‘, she looked at his face trying to gauge his reaction in the dimly lit night. Abruptly, he cut the call with an “Okay“, equally terse as his ‘Hello‘. But he was generally perceived as rough-and-tough, no-nonsense guy. He pushed himself up and pulled her up as well without any preamble.
“We‘re going to our respective rooms. Ok?“, it was more of dry statement than a question. An order worded to seem like a request. At that moment, being quite lost in her mind, she just nodded. He walked her back to her studio apartment.
“Goodnight“, he turned to leave.
“Wait, what happened? Who called?“, she spoke out loud suprising herself even with the strength and clarity of her voice.
“It was my friend. I‘m going to go drink. We bought booze earlier this evening.“
She bit her lip and then said quietly after a moment‘s hesitation,“Please be careful.“

He watched her slight frame stand in the doorway with a worried expression. A loving expression. He sighed. He looked at her face one last time and turned away. He couldn‘t. He wouldn‘t. He shouldn‘t accept her offer of love. It will just come back to bite him in the behind, he knew.

“I‘m going to drink and smoke. It‘s what I do at times. See you.“

Watching his retreating figure, she hoped morning would come soon. And it did. She found herself in the same park, in the same spot alone. Trying to figure out if last night was real or not. A figure in rumpled clothing and shades dropped down on the grass next to her. She could smell the whisky on his breath still strong even though it was nearly noon.
“Take off your shades.“
“I don‘t think that‘s a good idea.“
“Just take it off.“
Her quiet order had him taking off his purple tinted shades to reveal dark-rimmed red eyes.
“I‘m sorry.“
“You look creepy, but no, don‘t wear the shades with me. Don‘t hide from me.“
“I swear to you, I have never got this drunk my whole life and I have been drinking for quite a few years now. It‘s scary for me too.“
She watched his face with soft concern in her eyes. His bloodshot eyes, rumpled clothes from last night, the telltale smell and his evident fatigue made her stomach clench. She wanted to take care of him and the feeling was very strong. It didn‘t feel like he was just a friend. She caressed his face with her fingers, feeling the morning stubble and pulled it close.