From where does this come,
This intense self pressure to please?
To please every other person,
Who means well or just comes my way -
Why so much pressure to please?
Is it because I am human?
Or because I am female?
Or because both -
And my bones are supposed to
Be flexible to needs,
Whether it is to push out another,
Or to let others push it in -
And my muscles are supposed to
Contract and relax as per
"What they say"
And I follow it, I believe it -
But why do I listen to it!
Is this my state of immanence?
Is this the only choice that
I know to choose?
Must I let my years of training
Of listening, of fearing failure,
Of fearing greatness,
Of unspoken obedience and
Of unheard tantrums, dictate -
Must I let myself cry and pity (myself?)
Because I feel trapped in questions
That I am too scared to answer -
Because everyone "means well",
They come my way and "mean well",
And I am so trained to listen.
To obey.
To bend.
To break.
To fill all cracks with gold.
And now I do not know.
Who I am (¿am I?) anymore.
