My doctor tells me one day,
To describe my anxiety.
And I tell him that it's like
An elephant.
An elephant with beautiful, mesmerizing colours
That only I can see and somehow
This elephant is unseen and seen
But everyone else ignores the poor guy.
So my doctor replies,
Then it's a good thing, right?
Then I reply that,
Yeah, maybe it is and maybe it isn't
Cause beauty is really breathtaking at times
Like it literally takes my breath away
And I can't breathe and I gasp for air
And all of a sudden my elephant fills the whole room,
Is the whole room and it doesn't seem so beautiful anymore,
Unless of course you think imminent death by suffocation is pretty
Which it is really isn't because all I do is
Turn red and I'm brown so I'm not exactly sure what the effect is.
Then my doctor asks me,
What the elephant means to me, really?
So I say, really what it means to me is
That I am seeing an elephant in the room
Which is really beautiful and terrifying
So I must be bonkers or completely
Bamboozled by life itself
But it's not like I am messed up
Cause I'm only here since my family thought
That it is better that I talk to a paid friend
Rather than them so that they can confirm my insanity
And put me in a beautiful crystal bowl
Just to treat me like a goldfish.
That's when my wonderful doctor asked me,
Plain outright asked if I am angry.
Well, of course I am angry at being tied down,
Left behind, walking on glass shards
And egg shells and becoming a welcoming
Doormat to the various people in my life
Including him, the doctor but then
Even though I want to say that
I can't, because it's like saying that
I never forgave my parents for abandoning me
And that I never forgave a lot of people
For a lot of things
And that even though I moved on,
I really didn't because no one really does
It's all wounds that you decide to stop
Picking at
But I keep picking at it and now
It's an infected mess of pus and goop,
So I really cannot say all this -
And therefore I smile,
It doesn't even take much of an effort really,
I smile and tell him, I'm fine,
I'm a bit anxious and I worry a bit too much
And I like animal analogies,
But I'm fine and look doc,
Our one hour is up.
He seems relieved too because he agrees
And says goodbye, he'll see me again
Next week, same day, same time.
Oh, but
He won't.
