so I want to float dead, weightless infinite on a wasted green of a sea whose coast I've barely touched
and I want to look at an endless blue sky without a single silver lining or even a puff of white hope while black feathers and scrawny bodies hover around me hoping for a meal while a rough yellow mist comes flying from a distance
and I want to sit on a seat to nowhere with a new name, a new face with no plans and the liberty to be happy with an i-don't-know
and I want to sink into an eternal sleep to elsewhere where I'm a princess cutting up frozen enemies and then boiling their pieces in a kitchen fit for a pauper
and I want to be understood and not felt because I don't feel and I only think and this seems wrong but when right and wrong are so subjective I think feeling is a crime for which we pay a million times
and every time I feel to run and surround myself in a dream so I want to float dead, weightless infinite on a wasted green of a sea whose coast I've barely touched
and I want to look at an endless blue sky without a single silver lining or even a puff of white hope while black feathers and scrawny bodies hover around me hoping for a meal while a rough yellow mist comes flying from a distance
and I want to sit on a seat to nowhere with a new name, a new face with no plans and the liberty to be happy with an i-don't-know
and I want to sink into an eternal sleep to elsewhere where I'm a princess cutting up frozen enemies and then boiling their pieces in a kitchen fit for a pauper
and I want to be understood and not felt because I don't feel and I only think and this seems wrong but when right and wrong are so subjective I think feeling is a crime for which we pay a million times
and every time I feel like running and surrounding myself in a dream with no expectations, explanations or expenses of any kind where I am me in all my literal and metaphoric sense in all unfeeling warm understanding
remembering you makes me stay back in blessed pain -
blessed only because I see you twice a day
and my dreams seem like unnecessary spaces where my loneliness crowds in disguised as solitude
when all I want is to die to end an existence of hunger and what-ifs
yet I keep choosing to live and not merely exist
because the sight of you
twice a day
makes me think of butterflies, rainbows and afternoon rainstorms and of growing a tap root instead of runners
and not of -
infinite existence and survival for the sake of it -
clear blue skies of hungry dark spirits waiting to be fed -
a seat to nowhere and being without any strings attached -
or an eternal sleep with the magic in me pulsing through my hand as red and grey
you make me think of staying
