Author's note: this is not worth reading.
Our Lord in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Forgive me for I have sinned.
God, I'm tired of the being the good one, the one with the grades. Good work goes unnoticed and bad ones get the name. The good one that does both gets all the credit and the others who does only good is criticized. That one is expected to go far, do more, push harder, do better. The others have a lesser weight to carry it seems. The only care for themselves. And me, I try. I tried. I'm still trying, God I want to stop. I want to smoke that damn cigarette and drink that wine, I want to get heady with senses I can't describe. God! I'm tired of being the odd one out. I'm tired of watching everyone else have someone they can share happiness with except me. My happiness seems to become misery when no one understands it. God! Just tell them! Tell them to let me be. I'm trying but I can't get there. Maybe, just maybe I'm depressed and maybe a few pills will solve my problem. Maybe. But I don't want those tiny white pills to welcome Lady Sleep to my world. My lonely blind world which always feels a rush only when in a rush and then that high is gone. Then it's blank. We don't know what to do. I'm just sad maybe because I haven't slept properly in a while. Or maybe I'm jealous of all that everyone shares but me. Maybe I feel left out of that alien language that I'm forced to learn. That has nothing to do with me and yet. Yet, my own heart led me there thinking and thinking I'll find solace. But God, forgive me. Just forgive me for I have sinned. And my sin is that I cared when I shouldn't have. And I did and karma is replying God. Just please ask her to stop. Please ask Lady Sleep to carry me to you instead and then I would finally enjoy my company like I used to. Before I found them.
