Choking myself

Choking myself

Sounds scary but,

It is what I love,

To take control,

Instead of submit,

To the bestial horrors,

Of the everyday world;

The futility of existence,

The numbing nothingness,

All of which chokes us,

Makes us forget to breathe,

Dares us to succumb,

While we just keep running away,

Trying to keep it at bay.

What for?

What for?

I'll take control,

I'll choke myself,

My small fingers turn and twist

And PRESS and CRUSH

My windpipe -

It screams bloody murder.

It screams for air;

Then the moment of blank blackness!

That epilogue of white!

I'm floating!

I'm dragged back down,

From high up above?

Cruel doctors!

You say damage to my windpipe,

You say damage to my brain,

You call me mad and I call you insane!

Because I'm willing to jump into the unknown
That you all ignore and are scared to accept
And then choke me with your oxygen, your horrors.

Let me go
Let me go
Let me go

Futility

There are no more miles to go
All I want is to sleep,
I can see those last few metres
I'm just letting it wait ;
Once I finish this race,
There's no turning back -
There are no more miles to go
All I want is to sleep.
No prince charming or fairy godmother
Will wake me up
When there's no one to wake up to,
When it's not worth living for anymore;
I can take a bullet for you!
I can die for you in your place!
Because I don't have anything to live for ;
Emptiness is a hard weight,
I'm fighting to understand nothing,
The nothingness in my head is drowning
Me.
Let me sleep.
Just a few more metres to go,
My miles are up and I'm ready to go
Into the waiting bed of no return,
An endless sleep where my existence
Remains the same as it is now -
Futile.