Don't tell me again

It takes so much in me and of me
Not to break down everytime I remember,
I count eleven breathes to calm down
To not remember those words
Which made feel that every single day
Of six hundred and eleven days
Was not a lie and was not a way of
Planned destruction of my walls,
A well executed theft of my heart,
Only to rip it out, twist it, gut it,
Throw it to the hard cement floor and kick it,
Across the globe like you don't give a damn.
You said you did and then it turned out,
You never did!
I wish you had never told me that you knew,
I wish you had never told me that you needed me,
I would have much rather been a choice
Than a necessity to your survival.
I wish you had never told me that you knew,
Knew the misery and disillusionment I was going through,
And yet never chose to at least just try or tell me,
You could have tried to make it easier or just left,
Without telling me that you knew.
Now you have scarred all 611 days of my memories.
I wish I never knew that you knew.