I knew he was leaving. This was something we had discussed and settled in the beginning itself when our relationship started. When we got drunk the last night, we threw caution to the winds. We loved, we were one. That night. That's the night we made you.
Then, the next day, he left. It was as though we were strangers. Your father and I. Father. I never thought I would see him in that role. Yet I never expected in 23years to turn into a mother either. Me, who was so vehemently opposed to marriage and who was terrified at the business of raising a child. However, when I finally found out at the end of the month that I have...company, your company, I was happy. I was enthusiastic and in tears with joy. I wanted you. A single, unwed mother I could be but I wanted you.
Baby, I didn't tell your father till I saw him just three days ago. This was the middle of my seventh month, beginning of the last trimester with you. He guessed it by himself to be honest. He was amazed, scared, angry and upset. With me baby, not you. Because I hadn't told him about you, because I had hidden you. I never realized how angry he could be.
He wanted me to marry him then and there. He said that it was his duty and he couldn't let me have you all on my own. I fought baby. I'm sorry but I did. I told him that it was he who had left out of his own choice and that when I came to this discovery a month later, I didn't know how to reach him. He caught me out on our lie, telling about friends...old friends whom I hadn't seen since six months but hadn't lost touch with.
We fought bitterly for one day and that night found your father sharing my bed again, baby, with you and me in it. I still didn't agree to the register marriage. Two days baby, you were there with us in the bed.
I lost you today morning. May 1, Saturday, 7.17am. We lost you. You brought us back together and then you too left, baby. I think this trait you share from us both - leaving. We loved you so much. We wanted you. I'm still devastated.
Your father asked me to go out with him later after seeing my gynecologist. That's the doctor I see to take care of you baby. But you're not there anymore.
Baby, I still love you. I'm sad that I couldn't nurture you enough inside me. I don't know if you will have a brother or sister in the future baby. But you were, are, our first. You'll always be special.
And if the Earth lets you hear my tears now, please come back to us again. We won't fail you, we'll try not to. But give us another chance.
Also, baby, thank you. Thank you for bringing your father back to me, even if it is for an unknown period of time. Heavens only know how much I loved him and still do. Heavens and you. I love you too baby.
Be safe, wherever you are.
*Author's note: This is purely fictional.
